Year in Review

"Practicing authenticity can feel like a daunting task... but I believe there's even more risk in hiding yourself and your gifts from the world."

-Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

With less than two days left in 2016, I should continue to do my tradition of the annual review.  For the most part, I've been staying out of trouble, working in a job environment that's given me a lot of perspective on the healthcare field. 

It's amazing how easily you can take for granted the importance of a healthy lifestyle, until something like diabetes and failed kidneys introduces you to dialysis that takes up 3 hours of your day sitting on a chair, for 3 days each week...for the rest of your life.  You create a sedentary lifestyle with constant pricks of needles, developing scar tissue and weak muscles.  The older you get, the more vulnerable you are to getting sick, unless you're willing to eat healthy and stay away from habits like smoking, drinking and drug abuse.  Not having health insurance (or alternate means to pay the medical bills) just makes things even more daunting in the long run, so it's good to have a plan for that, and start building healthy habits: sleep 7 hours, do yoga in the mornings, drink tea, watch your sugars and saturated fats, and walk as much as you can.  Because you never know.

I think the constant observation of people being wheeled into dialysis, falling completely into patient services or family members for help, has made me paranoid about the idea of getting old and being alone.  Age is inevitable, I know, but my experience coping with an injured hip this year has made me even more paranoid about the long-term effects like arthritis and limited mobility.  I'm scared that I won't be able to be as athletic as I want to be, that my hip will be my cross to bear for the remaining 50+ years I have to stay active.  So I want to practice everyday activity... and yet every day after work, I constantly find myself choosing between gym time and drawing/writing time.  Why?  Because drawing and writing are usually sedentary, and it adds to the 8 hours I've already sat in an office at work.

It's a bit of a love/hate relationship when I think about being an animator, because the majority of work involves sitting in front of computers for long periods of time, working almost in isolation.  This is all going off the assumption that I know what it's like to work in animation without actually practicing it, and I think it's been my defense mechanism all year:  playing it safe so as to not hurt myself in the long run.

What I like about Brene Brown's quote up there is that it resonates so much from how I've been feeling this past year - keeping myself in a very safe and comfortable space with things I enjoy in my own time so as to not overwhelm myself with disappointment in the real world.  I dealt with a lot of things this year that induced stress: dealing with my hip injury, trying to stay fit regardless, quitting my job at Second City, planning a baby shower, new roommates who aren't as clean as I would like, dealing with a strange set of health issues like Tinnitus, mice in the apartment (yep), keeping my parents company, making the realization that I don't want to study accounting, and deciding that my long-term pursuit should be in the creative fields.  Oh yeah, and Trump was voted president.  : /

In spite of all of these stressful elements, I have found amazing moments this year that have brought me joy, teaching me more a little about myself and encouraging me to stay positive for 2017.

Here are some highlights from the year:

• I became an Auntie to a beautiful smiling little girl!
• I took Improv Levels A & B, met some great people, and also took Advanced Voiceover! Right now I'm auditioning for Spanish voiceover gigs, and being in the booth feels great!
• I read some great books - Big Magic, Something New - I painstakingly completed ones like Howl's Moving Castle and A Feast for Crows.  Cersei is such a brat.
• I've had some great moments watching Animated films like Moana, Kubo and the Two Strings, and Wolf Children, feeding my artistic fires.
• My friend and I waited 9 months in all our fan-girling glory to watch Hamilton on Broadway in Chicago.  Worth the wait and all the pretty pennies.  I got to meet Karen Olivo!
• Actually... I saw quite the number of Broadway musicals this year!  If/Then, Beauty and the Beast, Fiddler on the Roof, Fun Home, Finding Neverland, Phantom of the Opera, Next to Normal, and In the Heights.
• I got to travel to Dallas and NYC to visit my awesome cousins and their young families.
• I've been successfully doing 101 push-ups at least 3 times a week.
• I binge-watched the TV show Stranger Things, and it brought great 80s Spielberg vibes.
• I got to do a 5 minute stand-up comedy bit with a Second City class, and it was fun!
• I took a figure-drawing class and an illustration course to get my artistic skills polished.
• I wrote a trans-Atlantic Christmas card to a guy I'd met 14 years ago, and it felt really good.
• I'd saved enough money get back to the balance I started out with when I first moved to Chicago 5 years ago.  It's been quite the journey.

Next year I have quite the few things to look forward to, but it'll be important for me to remember the bigger picture of everything.  I have the opportunity to go to Scotland (one of my dream destinations!), I have the chance to really sell my artwork and be on the road to becoming an illustrator, but I also have the chance to go back to school and get some experience with art direction and advertising.  Regardless, I'll need to buy a new computer, and that's all going to cost money.  I need to stop being afraid of spending money.

Just on Dec 30th, 2 days before I was to ring in the new year, I was watching the first 15 minutes of Westworld and had quite a scary moment where I lost my sense of authenticity, and things that used to make me joyful no longer had the same effect on me.  I talked about it with family and friends to see what exactly about my life right now triggered my brain to think so negatively and feel desensitized.  While I don't feel completely like myself yet, the good news is that I'm getting back some emotional connections with seeing pictures of family, replaying great memories, and pushing myself to not feel so alone as the new year starts up.  Part of the reason may be that I've felt somewhat alone in the world these past few months, going about a certain routine to survive but not thrive at what I want out of life, and feeling like my life is not quite mine.  But... it is.  

There may seem to be a lot of veils in front of me sometimes, thanks to the elements of adulthood, but I am an individual who has the opportunity to thrive and be whatever she wants to be in the world.  I have control, and can do incredible things... and if there are TV shows or films, or books, or people that bring a negative connotation to what I want my future to be, then I'll need to walk away from them.

"You belong where you believe you belong"  The Queen of Katwe

Overall, I hope that 2017 will be a year of positive change, and even if I need to map out every single hour of my week to be productive, I'll promise myself to make the most of this year with long-term goals.  I can't forget about the core challenges I would like to make for myself:

• Do physical activity that will help keep me active and not further injure my hip.  Do elliptical twice a week, swimming once a week, and fun cardio once a week, adding strength each time.
• Go to church at least 2x per month and read my Bible every Wednesday and Sunday.
• Do a creative Power Hour an hour before work begins 4x per week.
• Cook something from home at least once per month and invite people!!
• ....and...
• Stop comparing myself to others and remind myself of who I am, what I love and why I work. 

Moana, and my recipe to a great Disney Princess

Character illustrations by Jin Kim

 

Let me begin to say, I'm so glad I watched MOANA on the big screen, despite the fact that it's far from being my favorite "Disney Princess" film. 

 

As someone who grew up with the Disney Renaissance of the 90s and embraced characters like Belle, Jane, and Esmeralda... I come to films with high expectations.  Now that the 21st Century has introduced more feminism to the female leads, sometimes their personality and motives are difficult to develop... much less please every little girl who's watching them!

 

Moana is the perfect example to how Disney worked hard to get the "sweet damsel in distress" princess out of their films, adding more cultural and emotional depth to the character and making the female the hero of her own story.  It's a far cry from films like Sleeping Beauty and Aladdin, where the princess shows up like a reward for the young male hero.  Don't get me wrong, I love Aurora and Jasmine, but their characters could've been much more intriguing if the guy hadn't shown up so quickly to steal their hearts.  Jasmine was ready to see the world as a commoner, and Aurora was enjoying her life in the woods, unaware of her birthright.  It's like all of a sudden, their motive is to find the man they just met and marry him, and we're left without knowing what true potential they had as independent girls. 

 

In other films, like The Princess and the Frog and Beauty and the Beast, I was delighted to see the ordinary girl take control of her own fate, not care about how society saw her or what dangers were put in her path... and then happily marry into royalty to delight the fans.  Cinderella is of course the classic "rags to riches" Princess story, but I will argue that unlike Belle or Tiana, she kept herself in a terrible situation and waited to be rescued by others (first by the Fairy Godmother, then the Prince), not giving herself the chance to see what she could accomplish on her own.  She was fine being a maid to her horrible step-family as they mooched off of her inheritance.  How is that okay?  And how is that a positive message to young girls, that as long as your wait your time with terrible people, someday you'll be rescued and rewarded for it?  Rapunzel from Tangled shares a similar storyline, where she's fine being a prisoner in a tower while her horrible mother mooches off of her hair power.  It's not until a guy shows up that Rapunzel sees a way out. 

 

On the other hand, giving a girl enough spunkiness to defy her parents isn't always the recipe for a great character either.  Take a look at Merida from Disney/Pixar's BRAVE.  Here we have a girl who is, yes, outgoing and unladylike, and happily not looking to please her mother with a marriage proposal... but... what exactly does she want to do, then?  Ride horses and shoot arrows until she's eighty?  What's the story for Merida?  The conflict of the film is difficult to interpret, but I went with "she isn't the lady-like princess her mother wants her to be."  So how do we resolve that conflict?  Turn the mother into a Bear.  Problem solved?  Not really... but it makes for a fun, entertaining movie.  The big question for me was, okay... Merida doesn't want to marry, and is yet bound to inherit this kingdom.  Can she still rule as a lone female?  Having her deal with her Princess duties (perhaps with some type of war plot) and prove to her parents that she could do it independently would've been a greater (Braver?) storyline.  But I guess Disney execs wanted something on the lighter end.

Frozen introduced us to the Double-Spunky-not-playing-by-the-rules-Disney-Princess film that successfully worked, with neither Princess outshining the other and yet having different personalities.  Elsa is the mature yet conflicted princess with powers she can't control, thus giving her a lack of confidence.  She's not ready to marry anyone either, and she's inheriting a kingdom!  Anna is full of confidence and loves exactly what she's all about, yet she falls for the classic Disney trap of swooning over a guy she just meets, eventually learning from that mistake.  What's great about this film is that Elsa and Anna complement each other well as best friends, and so the story is about choosing unconditional love over romantic love, and accepting yourself for who you are.  It's a breath of fresh icy air from the usual lone-Princess story that has that character accepting her identity through a love interest.
 

So... knowing that sometimes it's hard to write independent, heroic princesses even at this day and age... I'll get to what I liked about the character of Moana, and incidentally, what I consider great ingredients to a Disney Princess:

• She's kind and respectful. These are really the core qualities to any memorable female Disney Princess, and I don't like taking them for granted.  The fact that Moana is kind to animals, to her grandmother, even to her father who constantly butts heads with her... she respects every living thing that she surrounds herself with.  She's not spoiled, either, which is GLORIOUS!
• She gets herself out of her own undesirable situation.  Any Disney Princess who sits around with hobbies and waits for life to take a different course on her is not at the top of my list.  Moana made pretty damn sure that she would find time to launch that boat and go on her quest, in spite of how much her father told her not to.
• She shows great work ethic and leadership skills.  Moana would inherit the tribe after her father without a marriage proposal even mentioned (awesome!), and at the start of the film, you see her working hard to know her people's ways.  Of course, she doesn't know all the answers, but she is passionate about her culture, her heritage, her family... and in the film, you can tell she is persistent in learning what's best for the tribe.  You go girl!
• She sees herself as enough before she finds romance.  Basically, it's the fact that many Disney princesses meet a man and instantly make individual choices based on that sole romantic encounter.  I like my Disney Princess accepting everything about herself, first, and realizing she's cool enough as a single woman before choosing to love someone else.  Moana knew she wanted to be out in the ocean as a free-spirited girl, accepted that about herself, and made it work as a princess with responsibilities.  And she hasn't fallen in love yet!
• She is NOT resolving conflict by herself.  What's sad about a lot of Disney Princesses is they get emotionally thrown to the side without any real friends to help counsel their issues.  Jasmine, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel... if it had not been for a their animal friends to comfort them, where would they be?  But animal friends who can't speak back to you isn't as effective as having a human/semi-human friend to help talk you through the tough stuff.  In this case Moana has Maui... who at times gets really annoying with his glorified and self-centered persona, but there are moments in the film where he's encouraging her to show her tough side.  And by the end of the film, they are a great team.

Overall... MOANA reminded me of what I look for with great Disney Princesses, but I'll say that the film itself could've had better elements to its story.  It was missing a real memorable villain - like Maleficent, or Frollo - that could've easily challenged young Moana's confidence and torn it to pieces.  The music was lovely and upbeat - I don't expect anything less from Lin Manuel Miranda! - but I definitely wished for more songs, and a more memorable Villain song!   Story-wise, the first third of the film was perfect.  It introduced you to the island, the tribe, the world Moana is living in. And then the rest of the film is "Moana and Maui's big adventure on a boat"... and I had to press the snooze button on my mind to stay interested.  I wanted more monsters, more dangerous moments for out characters, but overall I was pretty sure they would both make it out alive and back to the island in one piece.  The animation was lovely - especially seeing the tropical colors and the way water moved! - but really... there was so much more story potential if we had brought some more characters along Moana and Maui's adventure. 

But... that's just me. 

 

 

 



Fresh with Reviews for Fall 2016

"The size of your dreams must always exceed your current capacity to achieve them."

-Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, Nobel Peace Prize Winner

 

It's been quite the ardous journey so far for 2016, and I apologize for not writing on here for the past year. Life has gotten busy.  To sum it up in 3 A's, I'm a proud new Auntie (yay!), I decided I don't want to be an Accountant, and I'm going to work my butt off to make it into Animation.  Because it's my dream, guys.  It's the sort of thing I've seen as a second family in my life, ever since I was a kid.  

I can't imagine what my adulthood would've been like if I hadn't seen King Triton destroy his youngest daughter's precious trove of trinkets, or watched Little Foot cry over his dying mama as she instructed him on how to find his grandparents.  And Hunchback.  Holy crap.   That scene where Quasimodo's tied down and humiliated at the city square, food being thrown at him from all directions, and then in comes the gypsy girl to reluctantly wipe the tears from his face, despite being in front of the most evil character of all time.  Those scenes made my kid self realize that art could move you, and help you feel things that were sometimes too difficult to manifest in real life.  o_0

My life without animation wouldn't seem like a life at all.  It would be like an empty half-life, trivial, just full of countless days and responsibilities and errands. I've been in Chicago for 5 years now, and with every job I've gained or every hobby or activity that I've taken up, I always manage to find a way back to Animation. If anything I find utter joy in seeing these films, and I'm not ashamed of it.

Heck, there's a Glen Keane drawing of Beast hanging above my work desk.  :)

Overall, 2016 has been all over the place, choosing to drop out of Accounting in order to take Improv, dealing with roommates moving in/out, continuing to do Bollywood Groove, doing physical therapy for my legs, but also enjoying the time I have explore creativity and take up Improv, Stand-Up comedy, Voice Over (finally!) and drawing fun things whenever I can.

I'm doing this Saturday morning illustration class that keeps me productive on the weekends.  And I'm saving up for a new computer.  I'm taking it slow to really build my skills to the point where I will actually make the most of the computer software, rather than just buying it now and feeling overwhelmed because I don't know the basics.  I've realized that if I don't start things from scratch, I don't gain the confidence to continue and instead feel like I'm wasting my money and become distracted with hobbies.  I understand myself more now than I ever did 7 years ago.  Graduate school can wait - I really just need to start as a traditional illustrator and read those books I've had in my shelf all these years.  When I'm ready for a grad school program, I'll know what I'm in for.

In the midst of this 2016 creative soul-searching, I've found the time to watch some amazing animated films:

Finding Dory (Pixar) - 

A sequel 13 years in the making, much like Toy Story 3.  Overall the story didn't grab me as the original Finding Nemo from 2003, because back then, it dealt with the relationship between a father and son, and the obstacles that the father would overcome in order to get to his son.  Dori was such a scene-stealer in that first film, that I was a little skeptical about how she would develop as the main character.  There were things that resonated, though.  You learn that she was born with this memory loss, and her parents were super-protective-yet-loving and wanted her to feel like she was a normal kid in spite of her disability.  When Dori remembers she has a family, we go through the whole Finding-Nemo-esque adventure montage in the span of a few minutes to find the Ocean Lab where her parents are.  It was a little anti-climactic, but the action of the whole story ends up as "Nemo/Marlin trying to get to Dori while she is trying to find her parents."  The scene-stealer in the film would have to be Hank, the camouflaging Octopus who's goal is to get to Cleveland. He pretty much made the movie for me while the other new characters fell into a bland, silly, comedic mess.

6/10

Kubo and the Two Strings (LAIKA)- 

I saw this film twice in the theaters, and I'm so glad I did.  Because the quality of stop-motion in this piece was just too jaw-dropping to pay attention to the dialogue that was being said.  I'm such a fan of LAIKA because they're keeping things old-school and do most of their work by hand, working with sculptures and scenic design shot-by-shot.  You see stormwaves.  You see floating leaves.  You see origami paper fold and unfold and refold into characters that have personalities and you just don't know when to blink.  The story itself was wonderful and intense (almost too intense for the little kids!), and there's quite a bit of violence and danger throughout the film.  Kubo is a half-mortal on an epic quest to retrieve three pieces of armor to fight his evil Moon King grandfather and his twin Aunties before they steal his eye.  The reason?  Stealing his eye will make Kubo blind to humanity and he can become immortal.  Turns out he likes being mortal.  I liked the film because it had great message about how being human/mortal is the most wonderful thing in the world, because even when you're gone, people will remember you through memories and stories.

9/10

 

Zootopia (Disney) -

This was the first animated film I watched in theatres this year, and it took me greatly by surprise.  I'd read the reviews from critics, the percentage of freshness from Rotten Tomatoes, and I was very impressed and willing to see the film for myself.  This did not disappoint, by any means, and the message resonated so much with the things in the news.  The main character is a bunny who wants to train to be a cop, which I could imagine is the last thing people want to hear their kids say nowadays.  :/  Disney took a huge creative risk to make the story about a cop wanting to do good to her society, because it's the sort of thing that's been done poorly these last couple years: Cops killing in what they claim "self defense", oppressing people without valid evidence reason... and people have retaliated with city-wide protests.  I will say that Disney did a good job with interpreting these societal lines with the whole Predator/Prey coexistence in Zootopia, how in spite of what's in their DNA, these two parties try to coexist.  It resonated with me so much about the real world, where everyone's racial, economic, or religious background is so different, yet we're all just trying to make a living.  In the film, we learn to love Judy Hopps, not only because she's proving to her Predator colleagues that a bunny can be a tough cop, but she puts away her childhood prejudices/fears about Predators to be a forward-thinker.  It's how she makes a friend out of a character who is her exact opposite, Nick Wilde, and together they work to make Zootopia an actual better place.  It was a good message overall.  :)

8/10



Part I of the Jelly Jar

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    

 

 

 

        

 

 

End of Part I of "The Jelly Jar" by yours truly.

Let me introduce you to Marina.  She was just your average debutante in Chicago in the 1950s, visiting the recently opened Shedd Aquarium, when all of a sudden, the storm gets way too violent.  And she chooses to save some Jellies out of pure maternal instinct.  But what does that selfless act cost her, exactly?  I guess you'll have to wait to find out!

 

Almost got hit by a Car

This is a quick public service announcement to anyone out there reading this along with me:

Always wait for the walking signal.  Period.

I still hear the loud screeching of that cab as it came to a stop, literally inches away from me, and that loud continuous honking that came afterwards made me fully aware that any other driver.... any other driver with less-than-perfect coordination... and I would've been a whole lot worse.  I still imagine the breaking of my kneecaps, my frame hitting the lights, my head against the windshield... just from how quickly that car went from about 20 to 0 in less than a second.  It was that close.  And it was so vivid that I felt like I was out of my body as it was happening and shortly after... not knowing how exactly I got across the street, but I did.

And I had to collect my thoughts and say a little prayer after that.

I'm not usually that careless, let me tell you.  I always look both ways and tell myself to wait for the walking signal, even when I'm in a hurry.  Somehow I thought I'd be okay in that moment, when the guy on the lane gave me space and let me pass... but I totally forgot about the turning lane.  And I totally could not hear the other cars coming in from that lane.  It was a blind spot, and it could've seriously killed me or put me in a condition that I couldn't financially afford to be in.

I still imagine myself not being able to move, much less run or dance, for a very long time.  And I was just coming out of a dance class when that happened.

I wanted to cross the street casually to make it to the library, and the guy was letting me pass.

It's a miracle that I walked out of that, the way I did.

So always, always, ALWAYS wait for the walking signal.  Don't jaywalk unless you're absolutely 100% sure that you're in the clear.  But even if you're sure, don't do it.  There will always be that crazy driver or biker approaching you that you just might not hear.  That's what happened to me.

Take care of yourselves out there.