Year in Review

"Practicing authenticity can feel like a daunting task... but I believe there's even more risk in hiding yourself and your gifts from the world."

-Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

With less than two days left in 2016, I should continue to do my tradition of the annual review.  For the most part, I've been staying out of trouble, working in a job environment that's given me a lot of perspective on the healthcare field. 

It's amazing how easily you can take for granted the importance of a healthy lifestyle, until something like diabetes and failed kidneys introduces you to dialysis that takes up 3 hours of your day sitting on a chair, for 3 days each week...for the rest of your life.  You create a sedentary lifestyle with constant pricks of needles, developing scar tissue and weak muscles.  The older you get, the more vulnerable you are to getting sick, unless you're willing to eat healthy and stay away from habits like smoking, drinking and drug abuse.  Not having health insurance (or alternate means to pay the medical bills) just makes things even more daunting in the long run, so it's good to have a plan for that, and start building healthy habits: sleep 7 hours, do yoga in the mornings, drink tea, watch your sugars and saturated fats, and walk as much as you can.  Because you never know.

I think the constant observation of people being wheeled into dialysis, falling completely into patient services or family members for help, has made me paranoid about the idea of getting old and being alone.  Age is inevitable, I know, but my experience coping with an injured hip this year has made me even more paranoid about the long-term effects like arthritis and limited mobility.  I'm scared that I won't be able to be as athletic as I want to be, that my hip will be my cross to bear for the remaining 50+ years I have to stay active.  So I want to practice everyday activity... and yet every day after work, I constantly find myself choosing between gym time and drawing/writing time.  Why?  Because drawing and writing are usually sedentary, and it adds to the 8 hours I've already sat in an office at work.

It's a bit of a love/hate relationship when I think about being an animator, because the majority of work involves sitting in front of computers for long periods of time, working almost in isolation.  This is all going off the assumption that I know what it's like to work in animation without actually practicing it, and I think it's been my defense mechanism all year:  playing it safe so as to not hurt myself in the long run.

What I like about Brene Brown's quote up there is that it resonates so much from how I've been feeling this past year - keeping myself in a very safe and comfortable space with things I enjoy in my own time so as to not overwhelm myself with disappointment in the real world.  I dealt with a lot of things this year that induced stress: dealing with my hip injury, trying to stay fit regardless, quitting my job at Second City, planning a baby shower, new roommates who aren't as clean as I would like, dealing with a strange set of health issues like Tinnitus, mice in the apartment (yep), keeping my parents company, making the realization that I don't want to study accounting, and deciding that my long-term pursuit should be in the creative fields.  Oh yeah, and Trump was voted president.  : /

In spite of all of these stressful elements, I have found amazing moments this year that have brought me joy, teaching me more a little about myself and encouraging me to stay positive for 2017.

Here are some highlights from the year:

• I became an Auntie to a beautiful smiling little girl!
• I took Improv Levels A & B, met some great people, and also took Advanced Voiceover! Right now I'm auditioning for Spanish voiceover gigs, and being in the booth feels great!
• I read some great books - Big Magic, Something New - I painstakingly completed ones like Howl's Moving Castle and A Feast for Crows.  Cersei is such a brat.
• I've had some great moments watching Animated films like Moana, Kubo and the Two Strings, and Wolf Children, feeding my artistic fires.
• My friend and I waited 9 months in all our fan-girling glory to watch Hamilton on Broadway in Chicago.  Worth the wait and all the pretty pennies.  I got to meet Karen Olivo!
• Actually... I saw quite the number of Broadway musicals this year!  If/Then, Beauty and the Beast, Fiddler on the Roof, Fun Home, Finding Neverland, Phantom of the Opera, Next to Normal, and In the Heights.
• I got to travel to Dallas and NYC to visit my awesome cousins and their young families.
• I've been successfully doing 101 push-ups at least 3 times a week.
• I binge-watched the TV show Stranger Things, and it brought great 80s Spielberg vibes.
• I got to do a 5 minute stand-up comedy bit with a Second City class, and it was fun!
• I took a figure-drawing class and an illustration course to get my artistic skills polished.
• I wrote a trans-Atlantic Christmas card to a guy I'd met 14 years ago, and it felt really good.
• I'd saved enough money get back to the balance I started out with when I first moved to Chicago 5 years ago.  It's been quite the journey.

Next year I have quite the few things to look forward to, but it'll be important for me to remember the bigger picture of everything.  I have the opportunity to go to Scotland (one of my dream destinations!), I have the chance to really sell my artwork and be on the road to becoming an illustrator, but I also have the chance to go back to school and get some experience with art direction and advertising.  Regardless, I'll need to buy a new computer, and that's all going to cost money.  I need to stop being afraid of spending money.

Just on Dec 30th, 2 days before I was to ring in the new year, I was watching the first 15 minutes of Westworld and had quite a scary moment where I lost my sense of authenticity, and things that used to make me joyful no longer had the same effect on me.  I talked about it with family and friends to see what exactly about my life right now triggered my brain to think so negatively and feel desensitized.  While I don't feel completely like myself yet, the good news is that I'm getting back some emotional connections with seeing pictures of family, replaying great memories, and pushing myself to not feel so alone as the new year starts up.  Part of the reason may be that I've felt somewhat alone in the world these past few months, going about a certain routine to survive but not thrive at what I want out of life, and feeling like my life is not quite mine.  But... it is.  

There may seem to be a lot of veils in front of me sometimes, thanks to the elements of adulthood, but I am an individual who has the opportunity to thrive and be whatever she wants to be in the world.  I have control, and can do incredible things... and if there are TV shows or films, or books, or people that bring a negative connotation to what I want my future to be, then I'll need to walk away from them.

"You belong where you believe you belong"  The Queen of Katwe

Overall, I hope that 2017 will be a year of positive change, and even if I need to map out every single hour of my week to be productive, I'll promise myself to make the most of this year with long-term goals.  I can't forget about the core challenges I would like to make for myself:

• Do physical activity that will help keep me active and not further injure my hip.  Do elliptical twice a week, swimming once a week, and fun cardio once a week, adding strength each time.
• Go to church at least 2x per month and read my Bible every Wednesday and Sunday.
• Do a creative Power Hour an hour before work begins 4x per week.
• Cook something from home at least once per month and invite people!!
• ....and...
• Stop comparing myself to others and remind myself of who I am, what I love and why I work. 

Moana, and my recipe to a great Disney Princess

Character illustrations by Jin Kim

 

Let me begin to say, I'm so glad I watched MOANA on the big screen, despite the fact that it's far from being my favorite "Disney Princess" film. 

 

As someone who grew up with the Disney Renaissance of the 90s and embraced characters like Belle, Jane, and Esmeralda... I come to films with high expectations.  Now that the 21st Century has introduced more feminism to the female leads, sometimes their personality and motives are difficult to develop... much less please every little girl who's watching them!

 

Moana is the perfect example to how Disney worked hard to get the "sweet damsel in distress" princess out of their films, adding more cultural and emotional depth to the character and making the female the hero of her own story.  It's a far cry from films like Sleeping Beauty and Aladdin, where the princess shows up like a reward for the young male hero.  Don't get me wrong, I love Aurora and Jasmine, but their characters could've been much more intriguing if the guy hadn't shown up so quickly to steal their hearts.  Jasmine was ready to see the world as a commoner, and Aurora was enjoying her life in the woods, unaware of her birthright.  It's like all of a sudden, their motive is to find the man they just met and marry him, and we're left without knowing what true potential they had as independent girls. 

 

In other films, like The Princess and the Frog and Beauty and the Beast, I was delighted to see the ordinary girl take control of her own fate, not care about how society saw her or what dangers were put in her path... and then happily marry into royalty to delight the fans.  Cinderella is of course the classic "rags to riches" Princess story, but I will argue that unlike Belle or Tiana, she kept herself in a terrible situation and waited to be rescued by others (first by the Fairy Godmother, then the Prince), not giving herself the chance to see what she could accomplish on her own.  She was fine being a maid to her horrible step-family as they mooched off of her inheritance.  How is that okay?  And how is that a positive message to young girls, that as long as your wait your time with terrible people, someday you'll be rescued and rewarded for it?  Rapunzel from Tangled shares a similar storyline, where she's fine being a prisoner in a tower while her horrible mother mooches off of her hair power.  It's not until a guy shows up that Rapunzel sees a way out. 

 

On the other hand, giving a girl enough spunkiness to defy her parents isn't always the recipe for a great character either.  Take a look at Merida from Disney/Pixar's BRAVE.  Here we have a girl who is, yes, outgoing and unladylike, and happily not looking to please her mother with a marriage proposal... but... what exactly does she want to do, then?  Ride horses and shoot arrows until she's eighty?  What's the story for Merida?  The conflict of the film is difficult to interpret, but I went with "she isn't the lady-like princess her mother wants her to be."  So how do we resolve that conflict?  Turn the mother into a Bear.  Problem solved?  Not really... but it makes for a fun, entertaining movie.  The big question for me was, okay... Merida doesn't want to marry, and is yet bound to inherit this kingdom.  Can she still rule as a lone female?  Having her deal with her Princess duties (perhaps with some type of war plot) and prove to her parents that she could do it independently would've been a greater (Braver?) storyline.  But I guess Disney execs wanted something on the lighter end.

Frozen introduced us to the Double-Spunky-not-playing-by-the-rules-Disney-Princess film that successfully worked, with neither Princess outshining the other and yet having different personalities.  Elsa is the mature yet conflicted princess with powers she can't control, thus giving her a lack of confidence.  She's not ready to marry anyone either, and she's inheriting a kingdom!  Anna is full of confidence and loves exactly what she's all about, yet she falls for the classic Disney trap of swooning over a guy she just meets, eventually learning from that mistake.  What's great about this film is that Elsa and Anna complement each other well as best friends, and so the story is about choosing unconditional love over romantic love, and accepting yourself for who you are.  It's a breath of fresh icy air from the usual lone-Princess story that has that character accepting her identity through a love interest.
 

So... knowing that sometimes it's hard to write independent, heroic princesses even at this day and age... I'll get to what I liked about the character of Moana, and incidentally, what I consider great ingredients to a Disney Princess:

• She's kind and respectful. These are really the core qualities to any memorable female Disney Princess, and I don't like taking them for granted.  The fact that Moana is kind to animals, to her grandmother, even to her father who constantly butts heads with her... she respects every living thing that she surrounds herself with.  She's not spoiled, either, which is GLORIOUS!
• She gets herself out of her own undesirable situation.  Any Disney Princess who sits around with hobbies and waits for life to take a different course on her is not at the top of my list.  Moana made pretty damn sure that she would find time to launch that boat and go on her quest, in spite of how much her father told her not to.
• She shows great work ethic and leadership skills.  Moana would inherit the tribe after her father without a marriage proposal even mentioned (awesome!), and at the start of the film, you see her working hard to know her people's ways.  Of course, she doesn't know all the answers, but she is passionate about her culture, her heritage, her family... and in the film, you can tell she is persistent in learning what's best for the tribe.  You go girl!
• She sees herself as enough before she finds romance.  Basically, it's the fact that many Disney princesses meet a man and instantly make individual choices based on that sole romantic encounter.  I like my Disney Princess accepting everything about herself, first, and realizing she's cool enough as a single woman before choosing to love someone else.  Moana knew she wanted to be out in the ocean as a free-spirited girl, accepted that about herself, and made it work as a princess with responsibilities.  And she hasn't fallen in love yet!
• She is NOT resolving conflict by herself.  What's sad about a lot of Disney Princesses is they get emotionally thrown to the side without any real friends to help counsel their issues.  Jasmine, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel... if it had not been for a their animal friends to comfort them, where would they be?  But animal friends who can't speak back to you isn't as effective as having a human/semi-human friend to help talk you through the tough stuff.  In this case Moana has Maui... who at times gets really annoying with his glorified and self-centered persona, but there are moments in the film where he's encouraging her to show her tough side.  And by the end of the film, they are a great team.

Overall... MOANA reminded me of what I look for with great Disney Princesses, but I'll say that the film itself could've had better elements to its story.  It was missing a real memorable villain - like Maleficent, or Frollo - that could've easily challenged young Moana's confidence and torn it to pieces.  The music was lovely and upbeat - I don't expect anything less from Lin Manuel Miranda! - but I definitely wished for more songs, and a more memorable Villain song!   Story-wise, the first third of the film was perfect.  It introduced you to the island, the tribe, the world Moana is living in. And then the rest of the film is "Moana and Maui's big adventure on a boat"... and I had to press the snooze button on my mind to stay interested.  I wanted more monsters, more dangerous moments for out characters, but overall I was pretty sure they would both make it out alive and back to the island in one piece.  The animation was lovely - especially seeing the tropical colors and the way water moved! - but really... there was so much more story potential if we had brought some more characters along Moana and Maui's adventure. 

But... that's just me. 

 

 

 



Fresh with Reviews for Fall 2016

"The size of your dreams must always exceed your current capacity to achieve them."

-Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, Nobel Peace Prize Winner

 

It's been quite the ardous journey so far for 2016, and I apologize for not writing on here for the past year. Life has gotten busy.  To sum it up in 3 A's, I'm a proud new Auntie (yay!), I decided I don't want to be an Accountant, and I'm going to work my butt off to make it into Animation.  Because it's my dream, guys.  It's the sort of thing I've seen as a second family in my life, ever since I was a kid.  

I can't imagine what my adulthood would've been like if I hadn't seen King Triton destroy his youngest daughter's precious trove of trinkets, or watched Little Foot cry over his dying mama as she instructed him on how to find his grandparents.  And Hunchback.  Holy crap.   That scene where Quasimodo's tied down and humiliated at the city square, food being thrown at him from all directions, and then in comes the gypsy girl to reluctantly wipe the tears from his face, despite being in front of the most evil character of all time.  Those scenes made my kid self realize that art could move you, and help you feel things that were sometimes too difficult to manifest in real life.  o_0

My life without animation wouldn't seem like a life at all.  It would be like an empty half-life, trivial, just full of countless days and responsibilities and errands. I've been in Chicago for 5 years now, and with every job I've gained or every hobby or activity that I've taken up, I always manage to find a way back to Animation. If anything I find utter joy in seeing these films, and I'm not ashamed of it.

Heck, there's a Glen Keane drawing of Beast hanging above my work desk.  :)

Overall, 2016 has been all over the place, choosing to drop out of Accounting in order to take Improv, dealing with roommates moving in/out, continuing to do Bollywood Groove, doing physical therapy for my legs, but also enjoying the time I have explore creativity and take up Improv, Stand-Up comedy, Voice Over (finally!) and drawing fun things whenever I can.

I'm doing this Saturday morning illustration class that keeps me productive on the weekends.  And I'm saving up for a new computer.  I'm taking it slow to really build my skills to the point where I will actually make the most of the computer software, rather than just buying it now and feeling overwhelmed because I don't know the basics.  I've realized that if I don't start things from scratch, I don't gain the confidence to continue and instead feel like I'm wasting my money and become distracted with hobbies.  I understand myself more now than I ever did 7 years ago.  Graduate school can wait - I really just need to start as a traditional illustrator and read those books I've had in my shelf all these years.  When I'm ready for a grad school program, I'll know what I'm in for.

In the midst of this 2016 creative soul-searching, I've found the time to watch some amazing animated films:

Finding Dory (Pixar) - 

A sequel 13 years in the making, much like Toy Story 3.  Overall the story didn't grab me as the original Finding Nemo from 2003, because back then, it dealt with the relationship between a father and son, and the obstacles that the father would overcome in order to get to his son.  Dori was such a scene-stealer in that first film, that I was a little skeptical about how she would develop as the main character.  There were things that resonated, though.  You learn that she was born with this memory loss, and her parents were super-protective-yet-loving and wanted her to feel like she was a normal kid in spite of her disability.  When Dori remembers she has a family, we go through the whole Finding-Nemo-esque adventure montage in the span of a few minutes to find the Ocean Lab where her parents are.  It was a little anti-climactic, but the action of the whole story ends up as "Nemo/Marlin trying to get to Dori while she is trying to find her parents."  The scene-stealer in the film would have to be Hank, the camouflaging Octopus who's goal is to get to Cleveland. He pretty much made the movie for me while the other new characters fell into a bland, silly, comedic mess.

6/10

Kubo and the Two Strings (LAIKA)- 

I saw this film twice in the theaters, and I'm so glad I did.  Because the quality of stop-motion in this piece was just too jaw-dropping to pay attention to the dialogue that was being said.  I'm such a fan of LAIKA because they're keeping things old-school and do most of their work by hand, working with sculptures and scenic design shot-by-shot.  You see stormwaves.  You see floating leaves.  You see origami paper fold and unfold and refold into characters that have personalities and you just don't know when to blink.  The story itself was wonderful and intense (almost too intense for the little kids!), and there's quite a bit of violence and danger throughout the film.  Kubo is a half-mortal on an epic quest to retrieve three pieces of armor to fight his evil Moon King grandfather and his twin Aunties before they steal his eye.  The reason?  Stealing his eye will make Kubo blind to humanity and he can become immortal.  Turns out he likes being mortal.  I liked the film because it had great message about how being human/mortal is the most wonderful thing in the world, because even when you're gone, people will remember you through memories and stories.

9/10

 

Zootopia (Disney) -

This was the first animated film I watched in theatres this year, and it took me greatly by surprise.  I'd read the reviews from critics, the percentage of freshness from Rotten Tomatoes, and I was very impressed and willing to see the film for myself.  This did not disappoint, by any means, and the message resonated so much with the things in the news.  The main character is a bunny who wants to train to be a cop, which I could imagine is the last thing people want to hear their kids say nowadays.  :/  Disney took a huge creative risk to make the story about a cop wanting to do good to her society, because it's the sort of thing that's been done poorly these last couple years: Cops killing in what they claim "self defense", oppressing people without valid evidence reason... and people have retaliated with city-wide protests.  I will say that Disney did a good job with interpreting these societal lines with the whole Predator/Prey coexistence in Zootopia, how in spite of what's in their DNA, these two parties try to coexist.  It resonated with me so much about the real world, where everyone's racial, economic, or religious background is so different, yet we're all just trying to make a living.  In the film, we learn to love Judy Hopps, not only because she's proving to her Predator colleagues that a bunny can be a tough cop, but she puts away her childhood prejudices/fears about Predators to be a forward-thinker.  It's how she makes a friend out of a character who is her exact opposite, Nick Wilde, and together they work to make Zootopia an actual better place.  It was a good message overall.  :)

8/10



Part I of the Jelly Jar

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    

 

 

 

        

 

 

End of Part I of "The Jelly Jar" by yours truly.

Let me introduce you to Marina.  She was just your average debutante in Chicago in the 1950s, visiting the recently opened Shedd Aquarium, when all of a sudden, the storm gets way too violent.  And she chooses to save some Jellies out of pure maternal instinct.  But what does that selfless act cost her, exactly?  I guess you'll have to wait to find out!

 

Almost got hit by a Car

This is a quick public service announcement to anyone out there reading this along with me:

Always wait for the walking signal.  Period.

I still hear the loud screeching of that cab as it came to a stop, literally inches away from me, and that loud continuous honking that came afterwards made me fully aware that any other driver.... any other driver with less-than-perfect coordination... and I would've been a whole lot worse.  I still imagine the breaking of my kneecaps, my frame hitting the lights, my head against the windshield... just from how quickly that car went from about 20 to 0 in less than a second.  It was that close.  And it was so vivid that I felt like I was out of my body as it was happening and shortly after... not knowing how exactly I got across the street, but I did.

And I had to collect my thoughts and say a little prayer after that.

I'm not usually that careless, let me tell you.  I always look both ways and tell myself to wait for the walking signal, even when I'm in a hurry.  Somehow I thought I'd be okay in that moment, when the guy on the lane gave me space and let me pass... but I totally forgot about the turning lane.  And I totally could not hear the other cars coming in from that lane.  It was a blind spot, and it could've seriously killed me or put me in a condition that I couldn't financially afford to be in.

I still imagine myself not being able to move, much less run or dance, for a very long time.  And I was just coming out of a dance class when that happened.

I wanted to cross the street casually to make it to the library, and the guy was letting me pass.

It's a miracle that I walked out of that, the way I did.

So always, always, ALWAYS wait for the walking signal.  Don't jaywalk unless you're absolutely 100% sure that you're in the clear.  But even if you're sure, don't do it.  There will always be that crazy driver or biker approaching you that you just might not hear.  That's what happened to me.

Take care of yourselves out there.

Ready for Summer School 2015

(...It should've been Summer School 2014, but better late than never!)

Chapter 1:  Set the outline of your story.  Make the rough sketches and thumbnails to your art pieces.

Chapter 2:  Just write.  Draw.  A lot.  Go back to your outline, but don't get lost in the details.

Chapter 3:  No details yet.  I know it's tempting, but don't!  Keep writing.

Chapter 4:  Take a break.  Maybe research a little.  Visit a museum.  People-watch.  Get a little perspective.

Chapter 5:  Are you writing details?  STOP!  Go dig up your outline!  You have to finish the story, first!

Chapter 6:  You're almost done!  Maybe you can show the first few chapters to the writers' group!

Chapter 7:  How's that drawing going?  Remember to take breaks and jump from one to the other!

Chapter 8:  You're finished with the story!  Great!  Now go back and write some details!

Chapter 9:  Do a little research and add more details.  Go through the whole story for detail bubbles.

Chapter 10:  When's the last time you snacked on something other than chocolate?  EAT.

Chapter 11:  You finished adding the details?  Now it's EDITING TIME!   YAY!!

Chapter 12:  This may be the last break before you lose your sanity.  Take it!

Chapter 13:  If you haven't gotten sick of your own writing yet, you're not editing hard enough.

Chapter 14:  Done?  You sure?  How about a second round of editing?  Take a doodle break!

Chapter 15:  And that, my friend, is an A-Quality manuscript!   Time to break it down at the Writer's Group!

Does this work?

I know how you feel, Catelyn

Ask me why I continue to indulge myself with Game of Thrones even after I know that one of my favorite characters isn't going to make it.  Even before I picked up Storm of Swords, I knew this was going to happen.  I knew Catelyn Stark would be monumentally screwed over by some creepy old king who decided he wanted vengeance on her son's refusal to follow through with a marriage alliance... but really, screwed over by the fact that her son no longer had allies.  And all she wanted was to be a Mom and support her son and bring her daughters back and get her family back together.  And she died with this gross image that her kids were either dead, most likely dead, or screwed over to the point where they might as well be dead.  What a life, being a woman who took things with unquestionable honor and duty to her family, only to die and not see the fruit of your labor do amazing things.

I can't say I know how that feels, but I've had a pretty rough month where I've felt that no matter how hard I try to please and go about my duties, I'm always letting someone down, or letting myself down.  I haven't been able to do much drawing this past month, or writing for that matter, but I'm hoping that now with Winter slowly thawing out... I can pick myself up again and go running outside and put a new smile on my face.  This "graphic novels" class I'm taking has really pushed me to do some drawing, even if it is the small weekly assignment, but it's helped me push my creativity.  And I'm in love with Bollywood Groove, taking it on Saturday mornings to start my day.  :)  

Perhaps I will finish this Storm of Swords and then take a break from the series until Season 5 comes out, and then start the reading cycle all over again. 

Starting 2015 with a commission and story ideas!

January was cold, as usual, but it felt pretty good to get back into illustration after almost 6 months of not doing much.   This was for my roommate and her best friend.  =D

It's not just the day-job, I've noticed. It's mostly me just having a hard time with fleshing out my own ideas.  For some reason I find it harder to progress on a long-term project I have created from the ground up, than writing about/critiquing/adapting something that's already out there in the world.  I feel it might be a mix of worry and fear - fear that these ideas will not be taken seriously or that someone might've come up with a better version of it.

That's kind of what happened to me when I picked up Daughter of Smoke & Bone by Laini Taylor.  The series was awesome and very much the type of Gothic, dark-toned fantasy world I wanted to create for a set of characters in my head:  "Chicago, 1928.  Twin gargoyles grow up as human kids because of the man who adopts them."  Granted, the story I had was much more adventurous and less romantic than hers... but still, she beat me to it (especially with the artsy protagonist) only because I hadn't completely written it down! Maybe someday, before 'Dark Teen Fantasy' makes a new boom in the market, I'll write it all out and feel less intimidated.  =/

One great thing is that I finally joined a Writer's Group in the city, thanks to the people I met at the SCBWI conference in November.  I shared my idea for the children's book, This Old Opera House, which I've had saved on my computer forEver... and they really liked it!  I think the tough part is the revision and making it age-friendly to a particular age group.  Right now, it's set up as a picture book with rhyming text (which is an impressive skill to have, believe it or not!), but the maturity of the story makes it directed for older kids, like middle grade.  So... the question lies on who do I want to tell this story to?  Should it be a picture book?  Or should it be a full middle grade novel centered around a house that kids emotionally attach to?

PLUS... I've had this amazing idea for a series, that I just started putting together notes for this last month.  I won't get too into detail because it's so precious and so new and raw... I feel like talking about it will jinx the creative process.  Basically, it's a historical fantasy novel, in the same format I was thinking of doing the gargoyles story... but totally different story and mythology. :D  So good!  Hearts are everywhere.

Anyway, those are the two major projects I'm working on.  I'm also keeping myself positive by taking a "Drawing the Graphic Novel" class, to feel more comfortable in visualizing what I write, making the text match an image.  I'm excited to actually start putting together real work based on homework assignments.

Happy first month of 2015!

Year in Review

"I've become skeptical of the unwritten rule that just because a boy and girl appear in the same feature, a romance must ensue.  Rather, I want to portray a slightly different relationship, one where the two mutually inspire each other to live.  If I'm able to, then perhaps I'll be closer to portraying a true expression of love."   -Hayao Miyazaki

I always like to end my year with a quote, something that I want to take with me into the next one.  I thought this quote was exceedingly appropriate, because it encompasses a lot about how I want to make characters in stories - both in writing and in art.  Bryan Konetzko quoted Miyazaki after he publicly stated that Korra and Asami were a couple at the end of the Legend of Korra - that image of the two of them being not just the final shot of the entire series, but the Avatar: The Last Airbender universe (as far as Bryke has stated).

While I wasn't expecting them to be a romantic couple by the end of everything - personally, I just wanted Korra to have a gal-pal - I'm glad that Bryke did something completely bold in their storytelling to encourage same-sex relationships in kids' television.  It's not brand new, since Glee had Kurt & Blaine and Adventure Time has long hinted a relationship between Marceline and Bubblegum... but this is a main character!  It brought viewers to tears when the Korra and Asami held hands and stepped into the Spirit Portal, because it brought hope to this 21st century generation of kids that yes, LGBT relationships do exist and should be respected as any other boy-girl romance in stories.  It's also cute that Korra and Asami started out fighting over the same boy.  =)

Anyway... this year has been a tough one, to be honest.  Not as tough as 2011, but a lot of things have crossed my mind about adulthood and it's kept me awake at night with questions.  But I've had a great year with some wonderful highlights:

• ART/WRITING - not as much as I've wanted to do this year, but I did attend the Prairie Writer's Day Conference to network with a bunch of aspiring children's authors and illustrators.  It was a bit "cart-before-the-horse" for me, since I didn't have a real writing sample or portfolio to showcase for childrens' literature, but I did get to pass out some awesome business cards and get my art reviewed by Eliza Wheeler.  According to her, I just have to incorporate more of a background in my illustrations and show dimension with visual storytelling - no different from sequential art.  Highlight: I did an illustration for Lucy Knisley and her husband as a wedding gift!  Goal: write/revise/pitch a full novel, and to make weekly illustrations.
• FITNESS - running is still going strong!  Back in September I accomplished a second marathon, running non-stop this time in St. Charles, IL and cutting my marathon time by 2 minutes!  I also ran the hot-chocolate 15K, which was an okay experience in race organization-standards, but the chocolate was delicious.  I also did the usual Turkey Trot with Dad and friends for ThanksGiving, and it felt overall very nice to continue with running.  I'm a legit marathon runner now!  :)  Goal: work on my upper body, and prep for an international marathon in 2016 (place TBD)
• EMPLOYMENT - After 3 years of pursuing a full-time gig at a creative institution, it finally happened this summer at Columbia College!  Granted, it's in a department I didn't think I would ever be in, but I love the responsibilities I'm getting as an outreach coordinator for financial services, and after 6 months into the position, the job anxiety is slowly fading.  I just really need to "study" what I do and not feel intimidated about asking questions.  It's a lot, but I'm so happy with this job.  Second City is still going, a few hours a week, but I'm giving myself 'til the end of Spring 2015 to let it go so I can move on to other commitments. Goal: become more familiar with Student Aid & Marketing
• FINANCES - I paid off my student loans (yay!) and am finally starting to save $$ with the new job!  Goal: start researching on investments and buying a house.
• TRAVEL - I got to go somewhere unknown this year... Portland, OR... for my 30th birthday, which was definitely my kind of town.  I also flew to Colombia to spend time with relatives during the World Cup and watch our Team go as far as they've ever gone (yay James Rodriguez!), and visited the hot springs of Santa Rosa.  Good times!  And for the holidays, I road-tripped with the family to Virginia Beach to spend quality time with the Mazueras.  A good travel year, overall.  Goal: go somewhere new and warm, like Argentina.
• READING - I noticed that the trouble I had this year was finding books I wanted to read.  I liked Raina Telgemeier's graphic novels, as usual.  I tried Lord of the Rings, but set it aside, and also tried Ocean at the End of the Lane and Gone Girl, but they just didn't stick with me.  But... I finally got a hold of "Daughter of Smoke & Bone" by Laini Taylor and couldn't put it down.  I went through all three books in less than 2 months.  And now I'm back to Game of Thrones with Storm of Swords.  Goal: to read a non-fiction and a classic.
• HOBBIES - I got to do some voice work finally!  It started with a workshop at a studio in March, but then I started getting mentored by a Radio professor at Columbia College, and she's been coaching me ever since.  I'm putting my first Demo together, and I'll be taking a voice-over class in March!  Goal: to have fun with voice-over and to not see it as a profession, but a hobby.
• FAMILY - This is always the tough one for me.  I could talk more to them and not feel intimidated.  I did a lot of crying this year, mainly with adulthood just stressing me out, so I need to feel comfortable with them.  We're all going through life-changes right now, so I think it's best that we just stay in touch and support each other.  Goal: to call Mom & Dad once a week.
• LOVE - I take it back, THIS is always a tough one.  I've had a crush on this guy for 6 months to whom I've shared absolutely zero communication with.  I can do better than that.  Maybe I'm just not ready to fall in love.  Or maybe I'm just not the "falling in love" type?  I can't take any relationship seriously if I don't take myself seriously first, and that's what I've been working on for 30 years.  Goal: to bring out the best in myself next year so I can get boys to notice the happy me.

And well... now that my commitment to the Avatar: The Last Airbender universe has come to its conclusion after 7 years of nonstop cosplay/art/fanfiction... I can now fully dedicate myself to Game of Thrones!   Well, not exactly to that "fandom" extent, but I'm still reading the books and watching the show, and... it's awesome!  

Yeah, reviews - I wasn't kidding!

I know it's been exactly one day since my last post, but I still wanted to make sure I got these out of the way, because they're just as precious to me.

First off, let me tell you a little about this short called "Duet" by Glen Keane - a Disney Legend.



I happened to watched it online before there was all this hype to it, fell in love with the simplicity of the chalk-like animation, slightly forgot about it... and then a week later, at the start of a very rough work week, it shows up on my phone as an 'interactive 3D animated short.'  You have to hold your phone and move the phone to follow along with what the screen is showing you.  0_o   The whole story was the same, but something about this second time made it feel less cheesy.  More real.  And heartwarming.  I had tears in my eyes.

It's a tale as old as time in the span of 3 minutes: boy meets girl as babies, they grow up leading separate lives... but 'brush' each other in small, intricately special moments and you can tell they have a connection without a single bit of dialogue spoken.  There's curiosity.  There's affection.  By the end of it, they're together, and the universe is as it should be.  Whenever I have a rough moment at work, I think about this work of art, and it just gives me hope.  Brilliant work.  10/10.

Another thing I almost forgot to mention was Legend of Korra Book 4: Balance.  The Final Chapter.



Okay, I will say I had a couple gripes about this last season having a very lousy marketing campaign.  It's like Nickelodeon higher-ups had too many new shows to worry about and they wanted to toss the last few bits of this franchise out for the fans to move on to bigger, sillier, more Nickelodeon-y-er things.  And I get it.  It's a business.  You see that your target-age audience for your channel is not exactly the audience that's watching this show, and it's a bad investment.  And that's exactly what's going on with Korra.

I look at the ratings when Korra first premiered in April 2012 with over 4.5 million viewers, and things seem to have gone downhill since then.  Right near the end of Season 3 back in July 2014, with just over a million viewers watching per week, it didn't surprise me when there was an announcement that the remainder of the season would be shown online.  And I was like, "fine, okay, I can deal with that."  The ending happened, and poor Korra is left recovering from poisoned and incapable of being Avatar.  Just before I even have the chance to get back into regular life, there's a a teaser trailer for Season 4, which premiered in October of this same year.  And it would all be online.  0___0   Ratings didn't matter anymore.  Nickelodeon just wanted this show out as quick as a cold.

In terms of quality, I will admit that Korra has had its weak points.  Multiple villains, toying with original Avatar Spirit World mythology, Varrick.... (x____x)... but you know what?  I kept watching it, and I love what Mike and Bryan have brought to this world in terms of visuals and action sequences and bringing a true girl protagonist to light with her strength and flaws.  Book 4 shows Korra running away from her weakness by pretending to be strong, fighting underground rumbles and then getting some guidance from Toph to lose that weakness to focus on her Avatar abilities, and to not be afraid of failure.  This season's villain is a dictator: Kuvira.  Her motivation is different from the anti-bending revolutionary Amon, the spiritually corrupted Tonrak, and the anti-authority nonconformist Zaheer.  What Kuvira wants is to make everyone part of the Earth Kingdom (no different than what Fire Lord Sozin wanted in Avatar) and she believes she can do it with exploiting spiritual energy.  She's a tyrant, but she's very convincing about not being one.

This final chapter is supposed to bring closure to a lot of questions about how the modern world will function with an Avatar, with the Spirit portals open, and with all the potential corruption that society shall continue to bring... but really deep down I just want to know who fathered Toph's daughters.  =)   I don't think we'll get any of those answers, but whatever.

It's been almost 8 years since I first committed to this Avatar universe, so it's nostalgia that's kept me going, and an appreciation for the Avatar world and hoping that by the end of it everything gets a decent ending.  Yeah, we know Aang and Katara made it, and their kids turned out alright (though I still don't get the purpose of Kya...) and maybe in a small distant universe Old Katara and Old Zuko might have a thing... but that's just my wishful thinking.  Anyway, I'm upset that Mike and Bryan haven't gotten the appreciation they deserve from this show/universe, but I'm glad they're putting together a decent ending with Korra for the committed Avatar fans.

Only a few episodes left to go!

=)

Lots of Reviews! Holy crap!!

I've been putting off the drawing lately, due to my being super stressed about the holidays, a writer's/illustrator's conference and my new job still being somewhat new to me, but you know what?  I've still been able to get tons of inspiration from animation lately.  

First, let me tell you about BIG HERO 6.

Oh my goodness.  Disney, how do you do it?  How do you make me get all the feels over some silly robot and its relationship with a 14 year old genius kid?  I went to see this on my own due to the hype being way too much for me to put it off any longer, and it all made sense.  Disney is luring away from its reputation of just being all about fairy tales and princess stories by giving the boys a bit to awe over.  Science.  Engineering.  Superpowers!   Not to say that girls can't be interested in that, but let's face it- it's hard to get boys into Disneyanything because boys are all about video games and phones and absolutely nothing cute nowadays.   So in this case, the main character is a boy, who is a whiz at video games and gets bored all the time because things come so easily for him.  He is finally pushed to do something with his brilliance by his older brother, who tragically dies too soon in the movie and gets you even more hooked on the characters.  This story isn't just about a boy, really, it's about a team of kids working together to make themselves superheroes through science and teamwork, but not forgetting about the heart of superheroism (represented by Baymax the robot): doing good.  The movie is also encouraging kids to study hard and get into the STEM fields.  Really.  I'd watch this again just for the action sequences.  Good job, Disney!  9/10.

Now, on to my second film: The Penguins of Madagascar.

I didn't know much about the Madagascar universe, but I can easily recall these penguins as being a highlight to anything I knew from that universe.  You have the somewhat-functional leader, the brains, the loose cannon, and the mascot... and they go on dangerous missions as penguins without thinking things through because they're "rejecting nature" and they want to have a hell of a lot of fun.  That's all you really need to know about this movie.   The story isn't that original, but the action sequences were great, the new characters were great, the villain was decent, and the dialogue was so much fun.  7/10.

The Book of Life review

Now in my thirties, I see animation differently.  There's no way around it.  I'm at the age where animation as an art form overpowers the way animation seen as that simple outlet for kids' amusement.  Characters can be abstractly-designed, they can be goofy and one-dimensional (to only serve one purpose), but really... when it all comes down to it... the visual story-telling is what grabs me.

I got very very excited about this film back when I first saw the trailer for it this summer, and caught a glimpse of what this film's story would dub "the Land of the Remembered:"



Quick!  How many skulls do you see?  It's a stunning array of color and banners and candles, and at that point I didn't care how the story would be executed.  I just wanted to see the visuals!  Animation-wise, this film did a great job in combining 2D and 3D elements based off of flashbacks and character POVs.  You see dream sequences and montages all work themselves effortlessly into the story as it centers around three childhood friends.  Director Guillermo del Toro definitely wanted to incorporate his personal dark-fantastical touch to this animated kids' film but also make it an educational opportunity for American kiddos who don't know anything about the Day of the Dead.  It was pretty clever, actually.  Apparently Mexico is the center of the Earth?  :D

Anyway, my absolute favorite part of this whole thing - though I'll admit the film had its faults on it - was the conflicted relationship between Manolo and Maria.



Even though they'd been childhood friends and are very close, the conflict is that Maria has seen the world and read books and might not be interested in love at the moment, while sadly, Manolo can't stop thinking about her.  And the two of them have influenced each other:  Maria gave Manolo a guitar to follow his dreams, and Manolo gave her a baby pig to remember home while she went off to be an educated lady.  It's adorable, but still the conflict remains and Manolo has to prove his love to Maria.

He does it by not killing bulls, even though it totally contradicts his family's heritage.  He does it by attempting to join Maria in the Spirit World when realizing she might be dead... only to make his way out of the Spirit World (something nobody had ever done!) in order to get back to her in the land of the Living.  He does it by sacrificing himself to the biggest town bully, the Chakal.



By the end of it, Maria says "yes."  The elements that play out with the Land of the Remembered, such as never forgetting your family and not seeing death as a tragedy but as something joyful and adventurous... it all brought back the triumphant ending with good vs. evil.  The whole film was a bit silly in a way, with lots of one-liners from the "other" guy, Joaquin, but it really made due with the fact that Love is not all about muscles and heroism.  Sometimes it's all about playing a song to your lady.  :D

Tea Set

I've been pretty busy with work lately (celebrated my 2 month at the new job yesterday!) but I always find time to draw.  Commissions galore!  I'm also excited to say that I'll be officially attending my first professional childrens' writers and illustrators conference in November!  Now I really gotta put my skills to work on some sample pieces and manuscripts - stuff I need to get done on my own time.  Whenever I'm not working, or running, or eating.  Or reading multiple books!

Lucy and John

I've been admiring Lucy's comic work for almost 6 years, and she gave me the chance to show my appreciation!

Lots of Animation Goodness lately

"SIMBA!"

Being on a much-needed vacation these past couple of weeks gave me the perfect amount of rest that I needed before starting my new job tomorrow (!!!), and these past two days, I finally got some time to really dig into my love for animation by catching up on some cool stuff:

1) The LEGO Movie: 

Man, when a film has the perfect mix of comedic timing and voice acting talent, only great things can happen. The fact that this movie wasn't stop-motion animated doesn't surprise me, because it would've taken 10 years to get all those facial expressions and action sequences perfect.  The story?  Beautifully and cleverly done.  In the end it's all about the LEGOs - how they are perceived as both child & adult toys and how that becomes the center of the conflict.  The child sees the Business Man as the villain because he wants the LEGOs to not have imagination and keep things "glued" to order... wheareas the child just wants to have fun and build things without any conformity of what LEGOs should be built as.  It's a really cool concept for a story that really made me nostalgic.  That song "Everything is Awesome!" is still stuck in my head. 9/10

2) LEGEND of KORRA, Book 3

I finally got to my TiVo and watched the first 3 episodes, and man... the animation has definitely evolved!  The thing that concerns me, more than anything, is that Mike/Bryan are freely adapting their original Avatar universe in order to market the show for their 8-14year old target audience.  I can imagine someone from HigherUp said "look, I know the protagonists are older teens and need intense plot points, but can we please give the younger viewers stuff they'll enjoy?"  Cue the overwhelming amount of villains & action, funny side-commentary from Bolin/Bumi, and this new kid character named Kai.  -___-   I don't know.  All of a sudden airbenders pop up all over the place, and it becomes a semi-XMen situation of trying to find them and train them.  Didn't airbending deal with spirituality and peace?  The comic books implied that air acolytes were people dedicating their lives to learning the airbender cultures... so that eventually the bending would come back... but I guess, nope.  It just shows up again.  Ugh.  There are some things that I do like... such as Korra when she doesn't give a shit... and of course, ZUKO!  He's back and he has a fricken' DRAAAAGON!  So yeah, there are some thing that still keep me intrigued about the show.  Visually, it's just stunning - like a Miyazaki film in every episode! 7/10

3) How to Train your DRAGON 2

Oh boy... talk about an overwhelming amount of action.  I'm not disappointed, I was just expecting a good flow for a story sequel.  It's like people in the writing room discussed various ways they would continue Hiccup's journey and then decide, "hey let's just put everything in and see what works!"  Cue all the emotional turns and twists I had to endure to make any sense of this film's conflict.  So... Hiccup meets his mother, Valka (after 20 years thinking she's dead!!) and he has a wonderful time catching up and realizing they share the same bond for Dragon-Training.  But, there are villains who want to capture Dragons and train them specifically for an Army to Conquer Things.  Stoic reunites with Valka and their love rekindles.  Toothless becomes brainwashed by the evil Alpha Dragon that the villain controls, and kills Stoic.  Hiccup is devastated and turns Toothless away... but then changes his mind (???).  Together they defeat the Villain from conquering Berk.  Toothless becomes the Alpha Dragon, Hiccup the Chief of Berk.  Everyone's happy.  The End.  -_____-  So many questions, so many emotional turns, and way waaaay too many action sequences.  I do like how the other characters somewhat kept their personalities, but they were definitely not shown enough.  I could've gone for a much smoother story like Hiccup meeting his Mom, bringing that conflict of "should I travel the world with Mom?  or stay in Berk and be Chief?" into Hiccup's mind.  I liked Valka, but part of me wished she stayed as that adventurous woman among dragons rather than just coming back to Berk.  I dunno - I ask for too much!  Good news is there'll be another sequel, but I'm sure gonna miss Stoic.  6/10.

Legend of Korra is back in a WEEK!

Book 3 is almost here!  Too bad I will be out of the country when it premieres (and I feel like they just rushed into the marketing and execution of this season, but whatevs) but I'm still really excited to see what Mike & Bryan have set up for Korra and the Gang!  Nickelodeon released the above epic Book 3 Trailer!

My Reactions:

1) Combustion Man has a PEOPLE!!!??

2) So many villain-looking characters.  But who is the REAL villain?

3) OMFGSDISYFDJDGY ZUKO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4) Lava-Bending?  =S

5) Lots of crazy bending action scenes!  YESSSSH!!

I'll be putting my TiVO on schedule with much joy to watch everything I missed.

In other news, I GOT A JOB!!!  A real full-time, real salary and benefits, watch-out-world-because-I'm-a-BIG-Girl job!  It deals with student financial services at a university, doing a lot of coordination between education and outreach, which means I'm feeling a bit over my head about the entire position right now.  That's okay.  After months and months of just applying and waiting and interviewing and waiting some more... I got that phone call and realized that after 3 years of wanting to work at this university, I finally FINALLY got my foot in the door.

Of course, this means my artistic projects will have to be made slowly next year, but you know what?  I am on the brink of a career and I can finally be proud of a job title.  I can finally not feel broke or in debt, and I can save some money and start my 30s the right way.  I can still draw and write and get into animation, eventually opening another door, but honestly... it feels so good to start a career path.

Getting my Voice to be Heard

This was taken back in March during a voice-over workshop downtown!

Not since high school have I had the opportunity to test my vocal chops in a real recording studio, and I loved it.  I got to learn about the different types of mics and how a pop-shield and mic distance really makes a difference with voice quality.  I still have that semi-childhood-dream of voicing for animated characters, or even getting an audio-book deal where I can really let my natural pleasant speaking voice shine as a young 20/30-something making it as an adult yadda yadda.  It's fun!

In other news, I'm officially STUDENT LOAN DEBT-FREE!!!  ...til when?  Who knows.   It's such a tempting thing to not go back to school and deal with this stuff ever again, but I know myself.  I have that life-long passion and desire to learn, and right now, I want to go back to school for animation (again) and learn to do things that I've been intimidated to do for the longest time.  Stay tuned!

30 for 30 for 30

Today is April 30th, and my big goal of accomplishing 30 of my favorite things for 30 days to celebrate my 30th birthday, unfortunately, was missed by a few.

THE MONTH OF APRIL, 2014

1. Game of Thrones
2. See some Improv Comedy
3. Run Outside
4. Shakespearean Tragedies
5. Sushi!
6. Journaling
7. Broadway Musicals
8. Live Story-Telling
9. Baking for others
10. Yoga
11. Graphic Novels/Children's Books
12. Chicken Tikka Masala
13. Drawing
14. Florence & the Machine
15. Traveling
16. Karaoke
17. Salsa Dancing!
18. Stationery shops
19. Chocolate Chip Cookies.
20. Writing Letters to Friends
21. the Goo Goo Dolls
22. Kitten-snuggling
23. Meryl Streep
24. Swimming
25. Grimms' Fairy Tales
26. Coffee Shops
27. Learning to say "Hello" in new languages.
28. Voice Acting
29. General Life Coaching/Counseling
30. Animated Films

I will admit, this month was a terribly busy one, and I even caught a stomach bug smack in the middle of it while travelling to my dream destination of Portland, Oregon with my sisters and best friend... but in the end the real accomplishment is that I turned 30.  The day was beautiful and sunny, I got to run outside along the Lake in shorts after 6 months of dreary winter, and I spent quality time with my family and some of my closest city people.  

There is a lot about me that I am proud of having as a 30 year old woman, but I still believe that I have a lot of growing up to do - particularly in understanding how to be a leader and how to present myself as a strong, confident, ambitious, professional woman now that I have absolutely no excuse to look lost.  I can't just let myself be the "new girl" with everything that I do, as much as it is comfortable to stay that way: starting new jobs but not a career, making friends with the new people who come as revolving doors, and then just having all these hobbies but not making them valuable assets to my being.

According to a radio poll I had heard a while back, women see themselves as their most beautiful at the age of 30, so I'm making it a point to do what I want this year and not stall on my ambitions any longer.

I miss drawing.  I hate the fact that I didn't have anything NEW to post as an illustration with this post.  I hate that while I feel I have been working so much, I haven't found the time to really draw and put my skills out there in conventions/art shows as I did last year.  It's going to be a tough set of months now that my day job might change this summer and travel plans are in the works, and I'll be applying for a graduate program in animation to bring myself back in the grind after 3 years of regret.  I need to keep my drawing abilities fresh for any project - a graphic novel, an illustration portfolio, animation concept art - so I can find a great foot in the door to that industry.

I'm 30, and God knows I need a push right now.

Anne McCarthy's "Big Macs in Paris" Cover process

  A pencil sketch of the final image she wanted, later inked.

 

I added color with various pencils and water-colors.

I added a bit more color digitally to finish the piece.