Lots and lots of running

I've been doing 4 miles minimum each day this week, and I haven't let a mild cold stop me from going outside to see the lovely Lake Shore afternoons. My iPod also died last week, and if you had told me to run without music a year ago... I would've probably shrugged and stopped running until I got a new iPod (which, in my financially-challenged situation, would've been pret-ty far of a priority). So instead of waiting, I decided to just go with it and run without music. I didn't think I would like it, as it was the thing I would do only once in a blue moon whenever my iPod was low on battery... but I've been running without music for 10 days now, and I love it. Not only do I feel much more aware of my surroundings, but it's probably the most calming situation you can put yourself into. You hear so many natural sounds, like wind when it hits you in the face, people chatting on the park benches, dogs barking, children laughing and crying, ambulance sirens, insects chirping...

It's a separate kind of escape that you get when you listen to music while running, I've realized. Music can be soothing and motivational for the activity, but I ultimately forget what is going on around me. I could get distracted by the lyrics, the musical beat, or just anticipating my favorite part of a certain song. The music isn't part of the natural surroundings, and yet I place it there as an alternate sense of reality. When I run without music, I feel like I am a part of the actual reality happening around me, even if I'm concentrating on my running pace. =)

Anyway, it's just an observation. In other news, I'm back in the drawing mood again! It's the sort of thing where I just keep telling myself to do it, for practical purposes and to improve my technique... and the fact that it always makes me happy despite whatever sad circumstance I'm in. Job hunting has been taking over my life right now, so drawing gives me a greater sense of meaning and purpose.

Ventriloquists give me the creeps

I don't know why. Maybe it's something about the illusion of a person interacting with a puppet all alone onstage, both characters acknowledging each other and reacting to what the other one says. If it's done right, it looks so real and twisted, and my brain starts to hurt. It's not like actors interacting with actors, or even actors interacting with puppets... because as an audience member I already accept that this is unrealistic: people onstage are pretending to be someone else, and puppets are manipulated off-stage to pretend to interact with actors onstage.

Ventriloquism is sort of that 'gray' area. It's like the actor shows up as his/her ordinary self and tries to convince to you, the audience, that this puppet nearby is a living, breathing, very opinionated person. I somehow lose the entertainment aspect of the show and just get mildly creeped out by the idea that this is unreal trying to become real.

0_o

I spent the last weekend in Las Vegas with some college friends of mine, and it was one of those places where I felt excited, overwhelmed, and completely broke by everything I saw at once. I had fun though... and I must say, it's the creative hub for hospitality management because my god those hotels are beautiful! The Mirage, the Wynn, the Bellagio... they all have their distinct themes and everywhere I looked was like a work of art. And they're hotels!!! That's kind of a cool thing, but kind of a lame thing when you realize that you're just walking in a city made up of entirely one strip, made up of nothing but luxurious hotels. =) And the hotels have everything. Casinos, pools, theaters, delicious food.

I finally got to see the Beatles' LOVE show after so many people raving about it, and it definitely lived up to the hype. The first five minutes of it made me so nostalgic for directing and acting, and the whole show in general was just breathtakingly colorful and emotional. I wanted to jump in there with the acrobats and swing along those ropes! =) I also got to meet one of the original animators for 'Yellow Submarine' at the gift shop!



The spas in Vegas are gorgeous, too, and as someone who rarely gets herself pampered... I may have crossed over into a Spa-Chick. I think I understand why a girl needs something like this every so often: just to feel clean and so fricken' pretty! Haha. Apart from that, I took the occasional picture of a crazy costumed character on the strip and watched a very naughty Thunder From DownUnder show just for adult girls. =D Quite the experience!

Anyway, life in the Windy City has been good. I've been on a budget, so it limits the amount of fun I can have. But I've been creative, like going to the Chicago History Museum on the free day, and using my NASA space camp vouchers to go to the Adler for free as well. I'm back to my creative daily drawing groove, which keeps me happy and motivated. I'm still reading Gone with the Wind, but less than 100pgs left! I've finally started up hip hop dancing (for fun), and of course I'm running whenever I can to get myself ready for the big 10K in a few weeks. Crazy!

Jobwise, I've been a little down. Partly it's because I'm not used to the fast-paced city environment that people except from its employers. I did have some new job offers this week, so I'm keeping myself hopeful about it.

Lady Gaga turns up as a Man

The VMAs have turned into a huge party of smoke & mirrors, it seems like, especially when you have the cast of Jersey Shore and the clown outfits of Nicki Minaj and Katy Perry taking up all the Tweet traffic. People dropped the f-bomb left and right, with legit alcohol in their hands. Lady Gaga stole the show, again. And Britney still wins? Over ADELE!?

Oy. I sat through this just to catch that sneak-peek trailer of The Hunger Games.

My Chicago experience has been a busy one, and I can't believe it's only been two weeks since I officially started here! The job situation has gotten better, and I'm learning to love this little gig I have at a bakery near my apartment as I continue to find a full-time job.

Speaking of jobs, I officially have the ability and aptitude of working as a bartender. =) I had taken a 2week mixology course through one of the bartending schools in the city, and what's great is they offer lifetime job placement assistance, in case I ever need it. I'm not sure if I would ever be up for doing this as a job, but I do have a lot more appreciation for what bartenders go through night after night. I'm also interviewing for a nanny agency this week... so it'll be kinda funny if I end up staying true to my AniNanny persona, at the end of all this craziness. =)

As a single gal in the city, I'm making it a priority to go out and meet people whenever possible. I've become less weary about dating sites this past month, too, and I actually managed to meet a couple of great guys this week. It's always awkward for me to say "this was fun! wanna hang out again?" and not make it sound like "hey! I like you! wanna hang out again?" when it might be what the other person was thinking. Maybe that's why I have trouble with dating sites, because if you're the person (like me) who just wants to meet people and let chemistry happen the old-fashioned way, other people might wonder if they're wasting their time and just move on.

I came into this just after finishing a year-long relationship with a guy I was basically so comfortable with, I could burp in front of him and feel the same. So far I've met up with three different guys, all adorable in their own way, but through them I've come to realize the type of guy I'm fairly compatible with:

My ideal guy:
-ranges from 5'4"-5'8" and is at least 25 years old.
-is athletic/outdoorsy. To the very least, he can endure a camping trip or a 5K.
-can cook for himself and for others, and not just with the microwave.
-loves to read. Yes, even with a Kindle.
-loves to travel, near and far.
-is a cleaner/neat-freak.
-may have had a wild side, but has learned from his mistakes and become the better man.
-can dance and sing Karaoke while sober.
-knows common courtesy, but also knows when to speak up for himself.

All good traits to have, I must say.

living in Chicago

For as long as I can remember within these past five years, I have been the victim of impulsive choices for the substitution of living and embracing my reality.

I call it my "black corset" effect.

Let me explain. Back in 2005, when I was studying abroad in Barcelona, I was living in my first apartment ever, sharing a small space - and one bathroom - with international people who came and went throughout the course of 8 months I stayed there. I wanted to know them well, but I didn't know how. I remember them vaguely now: the sweet Dutch girl who interned at a hotel and would wake up every morning to KT Tunstal's "Suddenly I See" (when at the time, I thought the song said "at the VIP..." and I thought 'huh?'). The tall spacey German girl who worked as a waitress and invited me to see the fireworks at the Plaza Espana for the celebration of La Merce. The Italian couple who'd stay up pretty damn late playing some video game that involved a motorcycle drag-racing noise that filtered through my wall. I even remember the funny, very bohemian American 30something woman who'd quit her office job in Oklahoma to get a TESL certificate and teach English, and just live her life by the moments. These were people who knew themselves well... who just shared their personas without hesitation, and I didn't really feel like I knew how to represent my self. I felt like a wallflower. In fact, I felt like I hardly skimmed the surface on who exactly they were. This would probably be why I had no idea that the two funny Italian guys who'd cooked pasta for me and seemed nice... got kicked out after a month because they were planting marijuana seeds in their room.

It was details like that that led me to believe that I needed to quit being so daized and confused, define my personality and be more involved with what I was experiencing in Spain. Back then, corsets were the highlight of European fashion, right next to leggings. I saw them everywhere, in every color and fabric, to the point where I felt like I could no longer consider myself a resident of this place until I got one. I felt like this was my ticket to saying "See? I lived in cool and edgy and exotic Barcelona, Spain. I experienced it. See? Look how I can wear a fashionable corset and not feel at all intimidated. See?"

It was a moment of panic, where I didn't know how to define myself or describe how I was changing because of this experience living abroad.

So I went straight to H&M on the Barrio Gotico and bought a lacy black corset that went from bust to hip. Two hours later, I asked for a refund. Because I had no idea where I would wear that stupid thing without looking like a Dominatrix.

Long story short, I let this impulsive choice of a wardrobe define what I was experiences, because I was too shy to let those experiences just come naturally in my self and in turn be a part of my personality.

I guess you can fast forward a few years and use this "black corset" as a way of describing why I impulsively chose to work in Boston for a year under the impression that I could successfully teach inner-city students like the way movies showed it. Or why I impulsively applied for graduate school in animation without the stamina of being creative under pressure even as I signed the papers. Or why I decided to stay working as a teen counselor for three years instead of just one... maybe because I wanted to figure out my next impulsive choice, rather than taking time to break this habit and just figure out my self.

It sounds very cliche, but 27 years in, I still don't know who I am.

I don't know if it's because I let others define me for way too long, or that I've been living vicariously through other people's interests for way too long, or I just lack some kind of chemical-protein that's preventing me to be all "come on, show the world who's boss!" or whatever about my life.

In any case, I don't want to make another "black corset" out of this year that I have in a new place, which incidentally is a place that I've visited many many many times. I think that, rather than talking about a career and signing my life away again on student loans, it's more important that I see this year as a year of deliberate choices. I will cash in my "corsets" for the fun experiences they've given me in traveling and exploring careers. Now it's time to for me to get a little more gutsy, take pride of the freedom that I've given myself for this year, and explore a great city that can inspire me in many different ways. Hopefully, I can find a little bit more of just who exactly I am and actually have a plan for the kind of person I want to be.

And don't worry. I do plan to have a job this year, or two.

Before We Turn to Stone

My favorite dance thus far from So You Think You Can Dance, season 8! These two people rocked.