New Year, New Me

It's been a couple of weeks into 2012, and I've had my roller coaster of emotional turns already, with my decisions to turn down graduate school and instead work on my writing/art and my physical health, while supporting myself in the city. I've felt fear, doubt, nervousness, fear, pride, confidence, fear again, and... hope, all in the span of 2 weeks while I've felt the pebbles in my stomach feel less and less heavy.

I forgot how great it felt to paint something on canvas and to write something in a journal, filling my head with ideas. My goal for 2012 is to run a half-marathon (^^) and take a full commitment to my artwork and my abilities to tell stories, keeping my feet on the ground with deadlines for manuscript submissions and the acceptance that there may be multiple "no"s along the way.

I'm giving myself until June 15, 2012 to get one of my ideas published.

The truth is, I thought about it one night... and realized that one day, I would wake up and regret not trying to be an artist.

"It's said that if you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life. Well, if that's the case, then for the past forty five years or so, I've never had to work. Hah. Because my passion in life has always been acting." --Morgan Freeman

Year in Review

I took this picture while visiting the Jellies exhibit at the Shedd Aquarium downtown, and I think they make for a great metaphor of my entire 2011 experience. It's a bit of a stretch, but I'll try not to sound too cheesy.

Jellyfish are free-flowing creatures without a central nervous system, and manage to exist out of practically nothing -- their bodies are 95% water, with the rest being a mix of gelatinous material aka "Jelly" that's transparent and fragile -- capable of living geographically anywhere in our oceans. They can't see very well, they only eat when they have to, and let the water's salinity and currents determine where they should go to meet with other Jellies and stay safe.

Taking all of this into consideration, I was fascinated by the fact that a creature whose biology and body mass is made up of so little could survive to be the oldest multi-organism on Earth, with 600 million years and a countless number of species on its belt. Call me a sap, but I feel like one day the Jelly decided to choose Life over Death with evolution, and make good with what little it had.

Looking back at my pursuit of happiness for 2011, I have to say that my experience this year has been like the Jelly. I've made decisions passively rather than passionately for the sake of survival because of the fact that I couldn't afford financially what I wanted to get into. San Francisco didn't happen, I moved to Chicago without a secure job, and my creative mojo suffered because of it. I applied to a graduate program in counseling to 'stay safe' about my professional future in something I was already familiar with, rather than continue with the 'starving artist' idea. I have been juggling 3 part time jobs to pay the city bills. In the same way the Jelly move with the water's current, I feel like I've been letting myself move along with whatever Life is bringing me.

The funny thing is... it's been five months since I moved to Chicago, and I know that my pursuit of happiness has a long way to go... except I can't really say that I'm unhappy.

Great things did happen to me in 2011:

-I got paid for a online comic strip submission.

-I got to experience my first serious relationship.

-I wrote my first spec-script without any prior screenwriting experience.

-I read "Gone with the Wind."

-I took my running hobby to a new level with 5ks and 10ks.

-I moved to Chicago, and can now say to people I actually do live in Chicago.

-I lost a job at a bakery after 4 1/2 shifts, only to get another job months later at another bakery who's cupcakes could make the first bakery's cupcakes cry in shame.

-I walked into a job fair at the Second City -- the Second City -- and now get to work in the same place that made people like Steve Carell, Tina Fey, and Amy Poehler who they are now.

-I started painting on canvas again.

There really isn't much to complain about, even though my artistic endeavors haven't been the same. I'm happy with this small support group I'm getting with writing, the opportunities I'm having at my jobs to socialize and have fun... not to mention still keeping in touch with my family and enjoying the 20Something life with an awesome roommate!

Next year will be interesting, hopefully less-Jellyfish-like with more persistent choices on my career plans and finances as I stick to the city life.

ChristmasTime is here

Let the holiday-related decorating begin! I spent a good amount of time drawing those Christmas tree ornaments that hung from my place of work. =) My roommate and I also want to get a Christmas tree to squeeze into our new apartment, which will be fun, since I've never had a tree of my own.

Anyway, life has been really busy, but fun. I managed to go to the ChristKindlMarket downtown for the first time, and I bought me a nice knitted hat and had a delicious crepe and hot cocoa. Perfect for the wintertime! I also returned to the Lincoln Park zoo and drew some more animals to get my artistic skills rolling again. My writing is going smoothly as well, though I didn't completely finish NanoWrimo from last month - part of the reason being my crazy work schedule - but I did manage to make 30,000 words. It's the most that I've ever done!

Today I went to a special info session for the Nickelodeon Writing Program at Columbia College, which is the same fellowship program I applied to last year. I'm almost tempted to go for this again, because it sounds exactly like the kind of thing I would enjoy doing as a job: writing for television. I'd spend a year in Burbank, CA, working with professional writers and producers at Nickelodeon Studios and pitching ideas for shows. I can write a spec script and turn it in by February and cross my fingers that I get a phone call in October of next year. The problem is... I'm broke. I'm working 3 part time jobs without health insurance and paying rent in Chicago basically out of my own pocket.

It's also frustrating to think that I don't have a concrete plan for next year... how everything I apply for and things I tell myself to do are based off of a gamble.

I'm not 23 anymore. I cannot afford to think like this, nor can I afford to just sit around and brainstorm life plans for myself without actually doing anything about them.

Here are some things that gave gathered dust in my room while in Chicago these past four months:

- Arts & Crafts supplies. I have a huge newsprint pad and a painting easel that haven't been used since I moved in, and drawing utensils that have been used a handful of times.

- Graphic Design books & a Bamboo Tablet. My sister gave me that tablet for my birthday, and it sucks that my computer cannot really handle it. I miss digital art.

- Japanese textbooks and CDs. I used to think that if I had the open time to learn, I would learn. It started out like that in September, but then it became the excuse of not having a decent iPod to listen to the audio lessons.

- Cookbooks. I wanted to cook a lot more from the moment I moved here, but alas, buying food gets expensive, and cooking gets very time-consuming. And GroupOn deals don't really help, either.

- my DePaul University Grad School acceptance letter. It's funny, because I wasn't even excited when I got accepted. I haven't even said 'yes' to starting in the Winter Quarter, or ever, for that matter. The quick reason is finances - I'm already in a student loan hole - but another reason is that I'm not... excited... about doing the counseling program. It was one thing to talk about working with kids, talking to people, being Emma Pillsbury in Glee... but when I really thought about it, it was more about making people feel better about my situation, less about me. I visited the counseling department after I got accepted, and it just didn't feel right, like I walked in there by accident.

On the bright side of things, I have been exploring the city and running. I've managed to land some great work on my own that aren't brain-dead jobs, and that, if anything, are helping me grow and become confident as a person. I've decided that before I curl myself up in the "school" safety blanket again, I need to keep trying this real world experience... be the struggling artist, take the occasional class, work hard, pay the bills, network... and be happy.

And not feel bad about not having time for everything on her list.



It's the type of thing that a girl in her late 20s should be doing, anyway.

=)

Another day of Thanks

What am I thankful for this year?

-Having a family that supports me and loves me, in spite of my constant struggles to find my... niche. We're all grown-ups now, and it's come to the point where I've accepted that I can never be like them. I can only be myself and keep that fun-loving kid in me going strong.

-That I have met some awesome people this year who value my skills and my job experiences, and don't see me as just an employee. It's amazing how at this age, I still carry so much insecurity... but being employed in two different places, where I get to move around and meet so many young people in the same shoes I'm in has given me incredible perspective. We're all trying to make it in this economy, we're all trying to be somebody, and we're all working for a better day.

-My health. Not having insurance is a scary thing, and thank goodness that (knock on wood!) nothing serious has occurred to me this past year. I did get strep for the first time - twice - and I had my first visit to a chiropractor to finally get some advice for my constantly-stiff back.

-My dedication to running and staying in shape. I've run two 5ks and a 10k so far! Running races once sounded so intimidating, but I actually pushed myself to sign up for one back in July, and I haven't stopped running since then. I love the view of the Chicago skyline while I run along the lake. It'll be strange running indoors once the snow comes in, though.

-My love for writing. I'm 30,000 words in for NaNoWriMo this year, and even though I have only 6 more days to make my 50,000 goal... I'm still so proud of the fact that I've made it this far. I've realized that before anything else, I love being a story-teller. I'm trying to get more into comedy and screen-writing for some potential doors in the film/animation world, and I actually wrote my first children's book! =) Words make me happy.

-The fact that I attempted to follow an artistic dream, and worked so hard to improve my skills, along the way realizing the things I liked and disliked about the animation industry. I'm still consider myself an artist by the way I imagine things and put together ideas through any artistic medium. I know I want to be able to have creative growth in whatever career I pursue. I wouldn't have learned that without doing what I did in art school.

Colorful October Days

Lots of major things happened this month, and I apologize for not updating in a while!

Most of these milestones have involved running, strangely... but in a very good way. I started the month with a successful 10K in Grant Park to benefit Chicago HIV/AIDS research foundation. Then, 2 weeks later, I ran(crashed) a 5K in Montrose Park with my sister to celebrate college alumni weekend and wear our Illini gear. And tomorrow... I'm doing another 5K to benefit UNO Charter School Network in Pilsen, called the "Carrera de Los Muertos." People are dressing up and everything, so I'm really excited! Running has become such a great hobby of mine, and I'm wondering if I'll be ready for the Chicago Marathon next year. 26.2 miles. Maybe.

I'm officially employed for the holiday rush season, and after finally finishing my first week at the new job, I would like to iterate how I think all teenagers/college students should experience at least one job that doesn't involve a 3-piece suit. Looking at my past 10 years on payroll, I've noticed that my job titles have mostly fallen into two big categories: Education and Food Service. It's the sort of thing that gives you a lot of perspective, interacting with people face-to-face, rather than with a computer or a phone. It teaches you how to be honest, how to present yourself with confidence and to own up to mistakes you make without feeling like a failure. It teaches you to understand the way people think so as to connect with them and start a conversation.

For the holiday rush, I'm working in retail, and I've realized that more than anything... I enjoy interacting with people. Real people. Those who need advice on a product or just an opinion on a purchase they are about to make. This past week I was working overnight shifts with the staff to get the store ready for the holiday sales, and most of the time, I was taking trips back and forth to the storage room to retrieve pillows, candles, and kitchenware from shelves and shelves of merchandise to bring for the displays. When you spend hours just walking around aimlessly in a warehouse of shelves... you start to go a little crazy. I would sing to myself! That's when I noticed I need real people to get through a job with my sanity. The people I work with are also so energized and fun -- and I've noticed how much you need a sense of humor to get through the tedious work. I'm excited to be employed in the city!

Anyway, another milestone... I got accepted to the DePaul University's graduate program for Counseling! I'd applied for the sake of having a backup plan for Chicago, in case I didn't find a full-time job in the city, but I also considered this as an opportunity to take my background in Counseling to a more marketable level. It's exciting but also very nerve-wrecking because I know that to do this well, I will need to commit a hundred and ten percent to it. Which means I'll have to retire that dream of becoming an animator - at least for the near future.

So... I don't know. I'm going to enjoy what I have this weekend with Halloween festivities and think about it a bit longer. And I'm going to enjoy the fall weather in Chicago while it lasts!



What's coming up in November?
- NaNoWriMo! I have a chick-lit idea. The girl is a single-but-happy professional stunt-woman who just celebrated her 30th birthday skydiving. She gets a call from her long-time-single mom, and besides saying the usual "happy birthday," mom has some news: she's getting married again! How will this influence the girl's thoughts of love, marriage, and single hood?

- Running & Dancing! No racing officially, but I'm continuing to run along the lake for personal time, and I'm loving the time I spend in a dance studio for hip hop class.

- Tutor training! I'm going to be a volunteer ESL tutor in Chicago once a week, and I'm really excited because I feel like I'll finally get to put my tutoring skillz to good use again.

- Lincoln Park Zoo! I just discovered this place, and didn't realize how close it was to my house up until this week when I walked along the park. The place was almost closing, but I managed to visit the Gorilla house. I was almost in tears of amazement as I saw them doing human-like actions... like straightening their blankets out to take a nap. Animals amaze me.