Year in Review

With less than 6 hours before the end of 2013, I have once again decided to reflect on the year and see what I have to look forward to.  I feel like, rather than committing one year to a Pursuit of Happiness, I've unofficially decided to make this my life-long goal.  I remember watching some of the film The Perks of Being a Wallflower and it reminded me of how most of your life is seen by others and how people remember you.  You cannot just sit back and write, and wait for something to happen (which, ironically, is what I'm doing right now) and think that eventually happiness will come.  I've realized that happiness is subjective - your choices are your choices and nobody is to blame on how things turn out because of them.

But you cannot just blame yourself all the time, either.

A lot of great things occurred this year, based on my own personal effort, and I feel that even though I'm still in the same financial crunch... I'm taking more responsibility for the things that matter.

ART - If there's anything to highlight the year, it's this.  It all started with that self-portrait piece I'd done on a whim, and it became greeting cards, prints, a showing at the Galleria in Evanston, some sales at ACEN, as well as my first real art show through RAW: Chicago.  My work has gotten recognized by friends, and they're pushing me to do more commissions.  I'm doing cover artwork for a friend who's publishing a book.  My friend and I submitted an animated short pitch for Nickelodeon and got positive critiques from the program advisers.  I've made a point to do special event illustrations for my friends and cousins to highlight my style for weddings, etc.  All I need is an Etsy page!

LIT - I haven't done much writing this year, which is okay, but reading-wise, I'm so proud.  I've managed to read and watch Game of Thrones all the way through Book II, and it's given another real feeling of accomplishment and admiration for good writing.  George RR Martin has a way with characters that I just cannot begin to perceive, and while I'm not sure if I'm ready to take on the next book (at least before I watch the 3rd season) I'm so willing to write a wonderful story like he has.

RUNNING - Ever since that big Tough Mudder run in May, my body has not been the same.  It's ached and cracked and felt unusually stiff.  I've ignored it and kept running 5Ks, gone to countless specialists to get their advice, as well as asked running friends about it.  The result has always been the same: stop running. My left shin bone might be on the verge of splitting in half and I might not know it.  I've tried doing alternative cardio but felt the shakiness of withdrawal from those long distances.  I cannot understand how others can do marathons more than once if they deal with this kind of pain.  Thank goodness, I can still function throughout the day, but I cannot be reckless about my body healing if I want to run for a living.  I need to get off of the running shoes for a least the first month.

WORK - I'm happily employed full time once again, with insurance and benefits.  MATCH Education has been a blessing in disguise, where I feel like my day hours are used to provide more meaningful work rather than just myself.  The tough part is deciding whether or not I want to be a teacher.  The funny thing is that Second City still hasn't left the picture - like I'm hanging on to the very last thread before I have to let it go.  Do I want to?  I'm not sure... it's given me a lot of great memories and people to talk to... but unless it's something I want to pursue professionally, I know I'll have to give it up.  It's not about convenience, it's about passion.

In any case, I'm thankful for having a very supportive family that deals with my craziness every day.  I'm thankful that my parents are both employed and slowly picking themselves up from financial funk.  I'm happy that my sisters have found their soulmates and are building themselves professionally with what they went to school for.  I'm happy that in spite of my social awkwardness, they always try and find a way to connect with me and seek out the best of me so I can become a part of the family, rather than just part of the family.

May this next year give me more professional aspirations as I pursue graduate programs the right way and keep working hard to be an artist and healthy individual.

Jim Zulevic award

Toothless!!!

=D

I cannot be more excited about my beloved dragon character to come back, and with none other than an older - much hotter!! - human friend, Hiccup.  It's crazy how it's been almost four years since the first film came out, and I remember how surprisingly well it did.  People loved it.  It was the story-telling, the relationship between boy and pet, the music... everything.  I think I wrote a blog post about it, too!

In other news, Christmas is here in less than 5 days, and I'm so unprepared.  The good thing is that I've managed to get a lot of drawing in between my crazy jobs in tutoring and Second City.  I'm back to illustrating for friends and doing some cover art, applying for summer art expos, and I still have to open up an Etsy shop at some point before the break is over.

Grad School App season is here, too, and while part of me wants to go for it and take some exams to qualify for Elementary Ed programs... I still feel like I'm not ready to commit to school again.  I got wait-listed for Columbia College last year in Fiction Writing, and in a way, I'm glad I never heard back, because I was just very very unprepared to jump into class again.  It had been so long since I had written anything substantial, too!  I still have these amazing stories in my head that are just itching to be written on paper as a graphic novel, or children's book, or novel series... I'm swamped!

2013 was all about "doing art" and not giving up on the craft, the same way 2012 was all about training to run for the Chicago Marathon.   Maybe 2014 will be a mix of commitment, creativity, and boldness:  finally planning out and fleshing out my novel, and looking up publishers.  I will have to network as an illustrator and understand the business -- maybe through college classes.  I will also have to decide if I want to commit as a full-time artist or just do it on the side.  MATCH Education has brought back some meaning into my life, but if teaching is what I really want to do, I have to jump in with all my energy in it.

So many decisions.

Mason jar with wild flowers

Another piece from my wedding illustration collection.

A terrible month for drawing

October was rough.  It's been hard to draw, now that my schedule is crunched with a full-time and part-time job.  Don't get me wrong - it feels really good to pay the bills - but I can't forget what it feels like to draw and create something out of nothing.

This past month has been a tough one by all means.  I didn't get chosen as a RAW awards finalist.  I held my breath as I started talking to a guy I was genuinely smitten with for the first time in a long time, only to cry myself to sleep after realizing we didn't see eye-to-eye in our feelings for each other.  I've had to endure dealing with a kid in school who just plain resented my authority, so much that he'd go out of his way to not shake my hand or look me in the eye.  I got audited!  =/

So... yeah, not a very great month.  Some great things I did notice about this month, however... is that I always find the time to draw, even if it's for a few minutes while at work.

I was getting into the festive Halloween mood.










I've also persevered to do amazing things for my newlywed friends and family.  I'm getting into that mode of thinking as an illustrator all the time, trying to find the best ways to capture people in special events.













This is my cousin and his new wife.  This moment was inspired out of a photograph I took at their wedding.

I feel like I'm getting better and better at this art thing.  Actually... today, I was coloring in another piece for a friend of mine, and some rambunctious boys went over with their mom and admired my work.  One of the boys asked for a piece of paper, and while his mom asked if he wanted to join in and draw, he actually just wanted my autograph!

=D

If only I could make a living out of these good moments...

Friend from another World

I have a thing for Sea Life right now, apparently!

Sushi

Gotta love these little commissions!

Otto & Victoria fanart

Original Characters by Brian Kesinger.  =)

Alice in Brownstone

The Office finale, and Legend of Korra

"I didn't watch the whole documentary.  After a few episodes, it was too painful.  I kept wanting to scream at Pam!  It took me so long to do so many important things!  It's just hard to accept that I spent so many years being less happy than I could've been.  Jim was 5 feet from my desk and it took me 4 years to get to him.  It'd be great if people saw this documentary and learned from my mistakes.  Not that I'm a tragic person; I'm really happy now!  But it would just make my heart soar if someone out there saw this and she said to herself: Be strong. Trust yourself.  Love yourself.  Conquer your fears.  Just go after what you want!  And act fast, because life just isn't that long!"

--Pam Beesly

I didn't follow this show very much, but this one part of the Finale really struck a chord with me, just seeing myself these past four years, documenting my life as an artist and writer and figuring out what to do with my skills.  I've had jobs that have kept me numb, distracted and overwhelmed from even thinking with my left brain, but in every situation, I've found utter bliss in picking up a pencil and putting it on paper. 

I haven't gotten a job with Pixar or Dreamworks or Nickelodeon, or even a full-time job, but you know what?  I'm feeling so much better about my artwork than I was at the beginning.  I'm not stressing over deadlines or learning how to use fancy digital tools, and I'm not pretending to like sitting in front of Adobe Flash for hours.  I'm feeling at home with traditional art, lending a hand to people's ideas, looking into professional illustration, and loving the fact that my work finally has value!  I have something valuable to give to the world... and maybe it's not rocket science, or world peace, or the cure for cancer... but as long as it puts a smile on somebody's face, that's enough for me.
 

It took a while for this spinoff to grow on me, now I'm ready for Season 2!

Mother's Day commission!

Chicago's 29th Annual Latino Film Festival

I always find it important to look at animation from other countries, not just to see the contrasting styles and themes, but to also support animation as a universal art.  This year, I got to go to the Chicago Latino Film Festival near the end of its run, seeing an animated film from Argentina!  The Director, Maria Ramirez, was there in the theater, and I loved how she spoke in her native Spanish saying that she was very honored to show the political and social aspects of Buenos Aires in various stories depicted through animation.  One of them, dealing with a little boy and his artistic imagination chasing a pretty graffiti artist, became my favorite.  It's that simple story about chasing love... and then it becomes this inspirational piece of work about inspiring artistic freedom in a city that's claustrophobic and somewhat tight from conformity.

It's moments like these that inspire me to keep doing art. 

Which... by the way, is going very well!  I've sold a couple illustration pieces from my online store, and I'm glad that people have commented on my work and are supporting me.  I'm not about to drop everything and do this full-time (though that would be amazing!), but it's one of the things that's pushing me to get up every morning.

Back to Open Studio.

I'm extremely proud of this piece, particularly because I went with a friend of mine to do some drawing at the art studio I always went to last year, and decided to draw in loose India ink.  I sometimes have trouble telling myself that I have the ability to illustrate anything in front of me, and that my style isn't up to par with professionalism... but then I whip something up like this in an hour, and all my worries fade.

I've wondered what exactly I can do with a talent like this.  I played around with the idea of freelancing as a special events illustrator - someone who does illustrations for weddings/birthdays that look more heartfelt than the average photograph.  I don't know... it seems like photographers are dime-a-dozen now with the smartphones, but traditional artists are rare... especially the ones who draw things in an instant.

I think this could go somewhere.  =)

In other news, I submitted work for Autoptic Comic Expo in Minneapolis and the Nick Artist Program for the first time, and I have some artwork on display in Evanston!  I should be jumping for joy, but I guess it's always the worry that I won't make any profit that bugs me.  You know what?  Screw it.  I gotta stay positive because people admire my artwork so much as it is.

Also, my birthday happened! 

I'm officially at the final year of my 20s, which means I'm ready to tackle all the things in my bucket list... run another marathon, learn how to properly swim, have an illustration site, find a full-time job, publish a graphic novel, travel internationally... yikes!  So much to do!

But I'm in a very good place.  =)

Nickelodeon Animated Shorts submission!

Not in a million years did I think I would have the guts to pitch an idea, but with the help of a fellow animation buddy... we made it possible!  It'll be about 2 months before we actually hear anything, but yay for creative endeavors finally coming to fruition! 

Mermaids and PIXAR

I drew this image with a photo reference of a girl doing aerial arts, and decided to make her a mermaid.

Sometimes I feel like I try too hard to draw something picture-perfect from its reference, that the imagination doesn't get its fair time to shine.  I think that with any kind of drawing - if you do want to become an artist - you always need to step back from perfection a little bit and just play around with the pen on paper.  I'm getting a lot of cool images that way, so it's really exciting.

Tonight, I was lucky enough to meet Aarom Hartline, one of the animators at PIXAR, as he was doing a talk at Columbia College.  He had the most impressive example to what it was like to grow up without that privileged background or support in art, just wanting to do it because he knew it was what he loved to do.  He started working at small game design companies as a character designer, while raising a daughter and going to night school for computer animation to get a grip on that booming business.  It was his own perseverance and help from his fellow classmates that kept him in the job market, and it took him thirteen years of rejection before he'd get to set foot inside the Pixar studios.

It's made me nostalgic about the ideas I had about becoming an animator, way back in late 2008.  Wow, has it really been 4 years!?  Did I give up too easily, or did I just not want it enough?  I don't know... I find myself going through class schedules for animation and drawing courses at local colleges, wondering what it'd be like to actually say I have a demo reel with work.  I feel like I'm limiting myself for no reason.

It would be nice to put myself out there, again.

Trust the Marker

Sometimes inspiration just comes the moment the marker touches paper.

My thoughts on Shorts

February still feels like December!

This year was a different year at the Oscars for me, because I took initiative to see the three Oscar Nominated Short Film categories: Documentary, Live-Action, and Animation.  Even better?  The ones I ended up rooting for won!  =D 

Here's something to think about:  big-time directors Quentin Tarantino and George Lucas got their careers because somebody in Hollywood liked their short films.  And the guys who won last year's Animated Short got a call from Dreamworks eventually, to extend one of their short film ideas into a full feature-length film.  It became Rise of the Guardians.  0_0  Which... in my opinion, should've taken all the animation glory awards this past year, because it was amaaaazing.

Another thing:  Adventure Time!  It's a 2D animated TV show on Cartoon Network that's garnered a huge fanbase for the past  because of the wacky characters and its ridiculous, nonsequitir story-telling.  It also began as a short!  The real kicker?  Most animated programs on CN, WB, Nickelodeon and Disney have all started out as short-form animation.  It's all about getting the audience intrigued, then seeing the story as a profitable product to put on a regular 30-minute time slot. 

I'll make this post short (haha) and sweet... and just say that there's amazing amounts of talent out there by people - young and old - who are striving to make their lives be about telling stories.  My favorite short (perhaps because it was a reflection on myself) was an Oscar Nominated Documentary short about a fifteen-year-old homeless girl named Inocente whose been painting in happy colors and creating amazing artwork despite the less-than-happy lifestyle she's had.  It's the most remarkable example of hope that there is in the art world, and I remember vividly how when the film-makers received their award, all they could say was that this girl was a brilliant artist, and that the arts are dying and that we need to do what we can to keep artists alive.

I'm not sure what kind of future I have with animation, as I feel that everywhere I go, I feel like somebody's telling me a different take on the business... but I do know that I enjoy watching animated films, and just films in general.  I love the magical element of storytelling, how one thing can lead to another and before you know it, you're hooked on the characters and plot, and you're rooting for them.  I think it's because at the end of the day... reality can always get you down... and you need a good story to inspire you to get through it.

 

Owl City 2

I'd been wanting to attempt a T-Shirt design for a while.  Haha.

Valentine's Day

I always like to imagine how this day will pan out for me, like in the way Mindy Khaling likes to write her show, making tons of quintessential romantic comedy references.

It wasn't until 2011 that I had an actual legitimately romantic Valentine's Day.  The boy and I spent the day in Chicago, ate delicious food at Ben Pao, watched the Illusionist at the Music Box Theater(back when I didn't even know where that was!) and ate wonderful Molly's Cupcakes.  =)  I loved that day.  Even though it didn't work out with the boy, I was happy that we did remain good friends.

The year after that, I spent Valentine's Day at work, in a bakery, selling heart-shaped cookies to the point of wanting to curl up and die somewhere in the corner.  Oh yeah... and let's not forget how I ruined a $400 cupcake order because the cupcakes didn't have the VDay-themed frosting.  I clocked out, rushed to the gym for a 5.5 mile treadmill run, watched some Glee and picked up delicious Indian Food for myself.  It felt heavenly.  But I also ended up getting a drink with that same boy from last year, as friends.

Now this year, the day before VDay... I'm in the same place, sort of.  Single... having a crush on the same boy as last VDay, and still hoping he'll notice me while I try and distract myself with other boys.  I'd said "screw it" and bought a ticket to a Singles Mixer at Vapiano's sponsored by CARA.  This morning I was ready to hop out of bed and be productive, but I instead put on my running shoes for a sunny 40 degree day and ran 12 miles instead of the 8 I was planning to do.  I thought about a lot of things... my career opportunity with MATCH and how I easily doubt myself, my money issues, my multiple creative projects that might never get finished ontime... and it felt really good to just run and feel limitless. 

I went home, got ready for the mixer and spent some time at the same bakery as last year, reading and drawing Owl City (my celebrity crush) for a Tshirt design I have in my head.  And... since the bus was taking forever and even passed me on the way, I said "screw it" and walked all the way to Vapiano.  I was frustrated, but tried to compose myself for this thing.  Anastasia, the Russian hostess, spoke bad English and escorted me to what I thought was my Singles Mixer, but looked like a Speed Dating event.  Weird?  What was funny was that I would've gotten into this event (with really cute guys!) had I not corrected the leader that my name wasn't in fact "Klara" but Sandra, and I had just asked if this was the "CARA event."  What are the odds that she would've been waiting for a "Klara" and I had just happened to be there?  Why didn't I just... go with it?  Could I have met some great potential guys?  But I changed my own fate, because... believe it or not... this year I made a goal to Do The Right Thing.  Not be a Rat.  Believe in Good.

So, instead, I got sent to the Singles Mixer.  It didn't take me a second to look over to the other side of that restaurant that it was clearly a different kind of crowd.  No bells.  No timers.  Casually-dressed, albeit very athletic-looking people.  Most of them were girls.  The guys were... older, with receding hairlines, and looking very awkward.  Nobody welcomed me into the party.  It was like I'd been late for the first day of kindergarten and the kids were already mingling, talking about sleepovers and barbie dolls and their favorite flavor of Mike & Ike.  Only this time it was more about TriAthlons.  Ironmans.  I was getting easily amused by this one girl with sleek blonde hair, noticing how tightly she was folding her arms, while the guy who walked around the whole table just to talk to her tried to fish for small talk.  Ah, the true Singles Mixer champion.  I wanted to slowly creep away of that table just as invisibly as I had come into it, having dreams about calling CARA for a refund because of my less-than-satisfied experience... but no.  I stuck to it.  Because in days like this, you gotta make best with what you got.  So I talked to this one guy, A.J. for a good hour, invited him out to Second City improv and ended up having a grand ole' time as awkward Singles in Chicago should have. 

It's just a dumb holiday, anyway.

SMASH

I love this show on NBC, and I'm love Julia & Tom.  

Methinks they've been working together since high school.  =)

Owl City

I'll be seeing him in a couple weeks!  So excited!

I got back from an overnight trip to Boston today, interviewing/considering a position with MATCH tutoring after almost 2 years of steering away from anything remotely education-related.  It was strange walking through the school in Lawrence, with my former boss being all optimistic about my skills and my potential to do something great in Chicago with MATCH.  I almost wanted to believe it, but who are we kidding?

It's not my dream.  I felt like I was pretending to see it as my dream for the sake of not disappointing anyone.

Everyone in my family was excited for me, though, when I told them I was offered the job.  

You know, for once, I would like to know how it feels -- to be really excited -- rather than watching others be excited for me.  I thought I'd feel it with the Chicago Marathon, or with the trip to Japan last year, but honestly... I don't think I've felt genuine joy for a long time.  After almost 2 years of wandering in the woods, I still don't know what my destiny is, and I'm trying really hard to be honest with myself.

Karma has been good to me, lately.  =)  I have a great set of art projects for people, and I'm hopefully gonna have a couple exhibits.  Whether or not I accept this job with MATCH, I think I need to let go of my doubts and just see myself as capable to do anything.  I can always do art on the side.

Acrobats

Sometimes a girl just needs to practice her flexibility... and pigment ink skillz.

What I do when I'm lost in Thought

.. And yet... I got accepted to my first Art Showcase in the city of Chicago!