Year in Review

I took this picture while visiting the Jellies exhibit at the Shedd Aquarium downtown, and I think they make for a great metaphor of my entire 2011 experience. It's a bit of a stretch, but I'll try not to sound too cheesy.

Jellyfish are free-flowing creatures without a central nervous system, and manage to exist out of practically nothing -- their bodies are 95% water, with the rest being a mix of gelatinous material aka "Jelly" that's transparent and fragile -- capable of living geographically anywhere in our oceans. They can't see very well, they only eat when they have to, and let the water's salinity and currents determine where they should go to meet with other Jellies and stay safe.

Taking all of this into consideration, I was fascinated by the fact that a creature whose biology and body mass is made up of so little could survive to be the oldest multi-organism on Earth, with 600 million years and a countless number of species on its belt. Call me a sap, but I feel like one day the Jelly decided to choose Life over Death with evolution, and make good with what little it had.

Looking back at my pursuit of happiness for 2011, I have to say that my experience this year has been like the Jelly. I've made decisions passively rather than passionately for the sake of survival because of the fact that I couldn't afford financially what I wanted to get into. San Francisco didn't happen, I moved to Chicago without a secure job, and my creative mojo suffered because of it. I applied to a graduate program in counseling to 'stay safe' about my professional future in something I was already familiar with, rather than continue with the 'starving artist' idea. I have been juggling 3 part time jobs to pay the city bills. In the same way the Jelly move with the water's current, I feel like I've been letting myself move along with whatever Life is bringing me.

The funny thing is... it's been five months since I moved to Chicago, and I know that my pursuit of happiness has a long way to go... except I can't really say that I'm unhappy.

Great things did happen to me in 2011:

-I got paid for a online comic strip submission.

-I got to experience my first serious relationship.

-I wrote my first spec-script without any prior screenwriting experience.

-I read "Gone with the Wind."

-I took my running hobby to a new level with 5ks and 10ks.

-I moved to Chicago, and can now say to people I actually do live in Chicago.

-I lost a job at a bakery after 4 1/2 shifts, only to get another job months later at another bakery who's cupcakes could make the first bakery's cupcakes cry in shame.

-I walked into a job fair at the Second City -- the Second City -- and now get to work in the same place that made people like Steve Carell, Tina Fey, and Amy Poehler who they are now.

-I started painting on canvas again.

There really isn't much to complain about, even though my artistic endeavors haven't been the same. I'm happy with this small support group I'm getting with writing, the opportunities I'm having at my jobs to socialize and have fun... not to mention still keeping in touch with my family and enjoying the 20Something life with an awesome roommate!

Next year will be interesting, hopefully less-Jellyfish-like with more persistent choices on my career plans and finances as I stick to the city life.

ChristmasTime is here

Let the holiday-related decorating begin! I spent a good amount of time drawing those Christmas tree ornaments that hung from my place of work. =) My roommate and I also want to get a Christmas tree to squeeze into our new apartment, which will be fun, since I've never had a tree of my own.

Anyway, life has been really busy, but fun. I managed to go to the ChristKindlMarket downtown for the first time, and I bought me a nice knitted hat and had a delicious crepe and hot cocoa. Perfect for the wintertime! I also returned to the Lincoln Park zoo and drew some more animals to get my artistic skills rolling again. My writing is going smoothly as well, though I didn't completely finish NanoWrimo from last month - part of the reason being my crazy work schedule - but I did manage to make 30,000 words. It's the most that I've ever done!

Today I went to a special info session for the Nickelodeon Writing Program at Columbia College, which is the same fellowship program I applied to last year. I'm almost tempted to go for this again, because it sounds exactly like the kind of thing I would enjoy doing as a job: writing for television. I'd spend a year in Burbank, CA, working with professional writers and producers at Nickelodeon Studios and pitching ideas for shows. I can write a spec script and turn it in by February and cross my fingers that I get a phone call in October of next year. The problem is... I'm broke. I'm working 3 part time jobs without health insurance and paying rent in Chicago basically out of my own pocket.

It's also frustrating to think that I don't have a concrete plan for next year... how everything I apply for and things I tell myself to do are based off of a gamble.

I'm not 23 anymore. I cannot afford to think like this, nor can I afford to just sit around and brainstorm life plans for myself without actually doing anything about them.

Here are some things that gave gathered dust in my room while in Chicago these past four months:

- Arts & Crafts supplies. I have a huge newsprint pad and a painting easel that haven't been used since I moved in, and drawing utensils that have been used a handful of times.

- Graphic Design books & a Bamboo Tablet. My sister gave me that tablet for my birthday, and it sucks that my computer cannot really handle it. I miss digital art.

- Japanese textbooks and CDs. I used to think that if I had the open time to learn, I would learn. It started out like that in September, but then it became the excuse of not having a decent iPod to listen to the audio lessons.

- Cookbooks. I wanted to cook a lot more from the moment I moved here, but alas, buying food gets expensive, and cooking gets very time-consuming. And GroupOn deals don't really help, either.

- my DePaul University Grad School acceptance letter. It's funny, because I wasn't even excited when I got accepted. I haven't even said 'yes' to starting in the Winter Quarter, or ever, for that matter. The quick reason is finances - I'm already in a student loan hole - but another reason is that I'm not... excited... about doing the counseling program. It was one thing to talk about working with kids, talking to people, being Emma Pillsbury in Glee... but when I really thought about it, it was more about making people feel better about my situation, less about me. I visited the counseling department after I got accepted, and it just didn't feel right, like I walked in there by accident.

On the bright side of things, I have been exploring the city and running. I've managed to land some great work on my own that aren't brain-dead jobs, and that, if anything, are helping me grow and become confident as a person. I've decided that before I curl myself up in the "school" safety blanket again, I need to keep trying this real world experience... be the struggling artist, take the occasional class, work hard, pay the bills, network... and be happy.

And not feel bad about not having time for everything on her list.



It's the type of thing that a girl in her late 20s should be doing, anyway.

=)

Another day of Thanks

What am I thankful for this year?

-Having a family that supports me and loves me, in spite of my constant struggles to find my... niche. We're all grown-ups now, and it's come to the point where I've accepted that I can never be like them. I can only be myself and keep that fun-loving kid in me going strong.

-That I have met some awesome people this year who value my skills and my job experiences, and don't see me as just an employee. It's amazing how at this age, I still carry so much insecurity... but being employed in two different places, where I get to move around and meet so many young people in the same shoes I'm in has given me incredible perspective. We're all trying to make it in this economy, we're all trying to be somebody, and we're all working for a better day.

-My health. Not having insurance is a scary thing, and thank goodness that (knock on wood!) nothing serious has occurred to me this past year. I did get strep for the first time - twice - and I had my first visit to a chiropractor to finally get some advice for my constantly-stiff back.

-My dedication to running and staying in shape. I've run two 5ks and a 10k so far! Running races once sounded so intimidating, but I actually pushed myself to sign up for one back in July, and I haven't stopped running since then. I love the view of the Chicago skyline while I run along the lake. It'll be strange running indoors once the snow comes in, though.

-My love for writing. I'm 30,000 words in for NaNoWriMo this year, and even though I have only 6 more days to make my 50,000 goal... I'm still so proud of the fact that I've made it this far. I've realized that before anything else, I love being a story-teller. I'm trying to get more into comedy and screen-writing for some potential doors in the film/animation world, and I actually wrote my first children's book! =) Words make me happy.

-The fact that I attempted to follow an artistic dream, and worked so hard to improve my skills, along the way realizing the things I liked and disliked about the animation industry. I'm still consider myself an artist by the way I imagine things and put together ideas through any artistic medium. I know I want to be able to have creative growth in whatever career I pursue. I wouldn't have learned that without doing what I did in art school.

Colorful October Days

Lots of major things happened this month, and I apologize for not updating in a while!

Most of these milestones have involved running, strangely... but in a very good way. I started the month with a successful 10K in Grant Park to benefit Chicago HIV/AIDS research foundation. Then, 2 weeks later, I ran(crashed) a 5K in Montrose Park with my sister to celebrate college alumni weekend and wear our Illini gear. And tomorrow... I'm doing another 5K to benefit UNO Charter School Network in Pilsen, called the "Carrera de Los Muertos." People are dressing up and everything, so I'm really excited! Running has become such a great hobby of mine, and I'm wondering if I'll be ready for the Chicago Marathon next year. 26.2 miles. Maybe.

I'm officially employed for the holiday rush season, and after finally finishing my first week at the new job, I would like to iterate how I think all teenagers/college students should experience at least one job that doesn't involve a 3-piece suit. Looking at my past 10 years on payroll, I've noticed that my job titles have mostly fallen into two big categories: Education and Food Service. It's the sort of thing that gives you a lot of perspective, interacting with people face-to-face, rather than with a computer or a phone. It teaches you how to be honest, how to present yourself with confidence and to own up to mistakes you make without feeling like a failure. It teaches you to understand the way people think so as to connect with them and start a conversation.

For the holiday rush, I'm working in retail, and I've realized that more than anything... I enjoy interacting with people. Real people. Those who need advice on a product or just an opinion on a purchase they are about to make. This past week I was working overnight shifts with the staff to get the store ready for the holiday sales, and most of the time, I was taking trips back and forth to the storage room to retrieve pillows, candles, and kitchenware from shelves and shelves of merchandise to bring for the displays. When you spend hours just walking around aimlessly in a warehouse of shelves... you start to go a little crazy. I would sing to myself! That's when I noticed I need real people to get through a job with my sanity. The people I work with are also so energized and fun -- and I've noticed how much you need a sense of humor to get through the tedious work. I'm excited to be employed in the city!

Anyway, another milestone... I got accepted to the DePaul University's graduate program for Counseling! I'd applied for the sake of having a backup plan for Chicago, in case I didn't find a full-time job in the city, but I also considered this as an opportunity to take my background in Counseling to a more marketable level. It's exciting but also very nerve-wrecking because I know that to do this well, I will need to commit a hundred and ten percent to it. Which means I'll have to retire that dream of becoming an animator - at least for the near future.

So... I don't know. I'm going to enjoy what I have this weekend with Halloween festivities and think about it a bit longer. And I'm going to enjoy the fall weather in Chicago while it lasts!



What's coming up in November?
- NaNoWriMo! I have a chick-lit idea. The girl is a single-but-happy professional stunt-woman who just celebrated her 30th birthday skydiving. She gets a call from her long-time-single mom, and besides saying the usual "happy birthday," mom has some news: she's getting married again! How will this influence the girl's thoughts of love, marriage, and single hood?

- Running & Dancing! No racing officially, but I'm continuing to run along the lake for personal time, and I'm loving the time I spend in a dance studio for hip hop class.

- Tutor training! I'm going to be a volunteer ESL tutor in Chicago once a week, and I'm really excited because I feel like I'll finally get to put my tutoring skillz to good use again.

- Lincoln Park Zoo! I just discovered this place, and didn't realize how close it was to my house up until this week when I walked along the park. The place was almost closing, but I managed to visit the Gorilla house. I was almost in tears of amazement as I saw them doing human-like actions... like straightening their blankets out to take a nap. Animals amaze me.

Lots and lots of running

I've been doing 4 miles minimum each day this week, and I haven't let a mild cold stop me from going outside to see the lovely Lake Shore afternoons. My iPod also died last week, and if you had told me to run without music a year ago... I would've probably shrugged and stopped running until I got a new iPod (which, in my financially-challenged situation, would've been pret-ty far of a priority). So instead of waiting, I decided to just go with it and run without music. I didn't think I would like it, as it was the thing I would do only once in a blue moon whenever my iPod was low on battery... but I've been running without music for 10 days now, and I love it. Not only do I feel much more aware of my surroundings, but it's probably the most calming situation you can put yourself into. You hear so many natural sounds, like wind when it hits you in the face, people chatting on the park benches, dogs barking, children laughing and crying, ambulance sirens, insects chirping...

It's a separate kind of escape that you get when you listen to music while running, I've realized. Music can be soothing and motivational for the activity, but I ultimately forget what is going on around me. I could get distracted by the lyrics, the musical beat, or just anticipating my favorite part of a certain song. The music isn't part of the natural surroundings, and yet I place it there as an alternate sense of reality. When I run without music, I feel like I am a part of the actual reality happening around me, even if I'm concentrating on my running pace. =)

Anyway, it's just an observation. In other news, I'm back in the drawing mood again! It's the sort of thing where I just keep telling myself to do it, for practical purposes and to improve my technique... and the fact that it always makes me happy despite whatever sad circumstance I'm in. Job hunting has been taking over my life right now, so drawing gives me a greater sense of meaning and purpose.

Ventriloquists give me the creeps

I don't know why. Maybe it's something about the illusion of a person interacting with a puppet all alone onstage, both characters acknowledging each other and reacting to what the other one says. If it's done right, it looks so real and twisted, and my brain starts to hurt. It's not like actors interacting with actors, or even actors interacting with puppets... because as an audience member I already accept that this is unrealistic: people onstage are pretending to be someone else, and puppets are manipulated off-stage to pretend to interact with actors onstage.

Ventriloquism is sort of that 'gray' area. It's like the actor shows up as his/her ordinary self and tries to convince to you, the audience, that this puppet nearby is a living, breathing, very opinionated person. I somehow lose the entertainment aspect of the show and just get mildly creeped out by the idea that this is unreal trying to become real.

0_o

I spent the last weekend in Las Vegas with some college friends of mine, and it was one of those places where I felt excited, overwhelmed, and completely broke by everything I saw at once. I had fun though... and I must say, it's the creative hub for hospitality management because my god those hotels are beautiful! The Mirage, the Wynn, the Bellagio... they all have their distinct themes and everywhere I looked was like a work of art. And they're hotels!!! That's kind of a cool thing, but kind of a lame thing when you realize that you're just walking in a city made up of entirely one strip, made up of nothing but luxurious hotels. =) And the hotels have everything. Casinos, pools, theaters, delicious food.

I finally got to see the Beatles' LOVE show after so many people raving about it, and it definitely lived up to the hype. The first five minutes of it made me so nostalgic for directing and acting, and the whole show in general was just breathtakingly colorful and emotional. I wanted to jump in there with the acrobats and swing along those ropes! =) I also got to meet one of the original animators for 'Yellow Submarine' at the gift shop!



The spas in Vegas are gorgeous, too, and as someone who rarely gets herself pampered... I may have crossed over into a Spa-Chick. I think I understand why a girl needs something like this every so often: just to feel clean and so fricken' pretty! Haha. Apart from that, I took the occasional picture of a crazy costumed character on the strip and watched a very naughty Thunder From DownUnder show just for adult girls. =D Quite the experience!

Anyway, life in the Windy City has been good. I've been on a budget, so it limits the amount of fun I can have. But I've been creative, like going to the Chicago History Museum on the free day, and using my NASA space camp vouchers to go to the Adler for free as well. I'm back to my creative daily drawing groove, which keeps me happy and motivated. I'm still reading Gone with the Wind, but less than 100pgs left! I've finally started up hip hop dancing (for fun), and of course I'm running whenever I can to get myself ready for the big 10K in a few weeks. Crazy!

Jobwise, I've been a little down. Partly it's because I'm not used to the fast-paced city environment that people except from its employers. I did have some new job offers this week, so I'm keeping myself hopeful about it.

Lady Gaga turns up as a Man

The VMAs have turned into a huge party of smoke & mirrors, it seems like, especially when you have the cast of Jersey Shore and the clown outfits of Nicki Minaj and Katy Perry taking up all the Tweet traffic. People dropped the f-bomb left and right, with legit alcohol in their hands. Lady Gaga stole the show, again. And Britney still wins? Over ADELE!?

Oy. I sat through this just to catch that sneak-peek trailer of The Hunger Games.

My Chicago experience has been a busy one, and I can't believe it's only been two weeks since I officially started here! The job situation has gotten better, and I'm learning to love this little gig I have at a bakery near my apartment as I continue to find a full-time job.

Speaking of jobs, I officially have the ability and aptitude of working as a bartender. =) I had taken a 2week mixology course through one of the bartending schools in the city, and what's great is they offer lifetime job placement assistance, in case I ever need it. I'm not sure if I would ever be up for doing this as a job, but I do have a lot more appreciation for what bartenders go through night after night. I'm also interviewing for a nanny agency this week... so it'll be kinda funny if I end up staying true to my AniNanny persona, at the end of all this craziness. =)

As a single gal in the city, I'm making it a priority to go out and meet people whenever possible. I've become less weary about dating sites this past month, too, and I actually managed to meet a couple of great guys this week. It's always awkward for me to say "this was fun! wanna hang out again?" and not make it sound like "hey! I like you! wanna hang out again?" when it might be what the other person was thinking. Maybe that's why I have trouble with dating sites, because if you're the person (like me) who just wants to meet people and let chemistry happen the old-fashioned way, other people might wonder if they're wasting their time and just move on.

I came into this just after finishing a year-long relationship with a guy I was basically so comfortable with, I could burp in front of him and feel the same. So far I've met up with three different guys, all adorable in their own way, but through them I've come to realize the type of guy I'm fairly compatible with:

My ideal guy:
-ranges from 5'4"-5'8" and is at least 25 years old.
-is athletic/outdoorsy. To the very least, he can endure a camping trip or a 5K.
-can cook for himself and for others, and not just with the microwave.
-loves to read. Yes, even with a Kindle.
-loves to travel, near and far.
-is a cleaner/neat-freak.
-may have had a wild side, but has learned from his mistakes and become the better man.
-can dance and sing Karaoke while sober.
-knows common courtesy, but also knows when to speak up for himself.

All good traits to have, I must say.

living in Chicago

For as long as I can remember within these past five years, I have been the victim of impulsive choices for the substitution of living and embracing my reality.

I call it my "black corset" effect.

Let me explain. Back in 2005, when I was studying abroad in Barcelona, I was living in my first apartment ever, sharing a small space - and one bathroom - with international people who came and went throughout the course of 8 months I stayed there. I wanted to know them well, but I didn't know how. I remember them vaguely now: the sweet Dutch girl who interned at a hotel and would wake up every morning to KT Tunstal's "Suddenly I See" (when at the time, I thought the song said "at the VIP..." and I thought 'huh?'). The tall spacey German girl who worked as a waitress and invited me to see the fireworks at the Plaza Espana for the celebration of La Merce. The Italian couple who'd stay up pretty damn late playing some video game that involved a motorcycle drag-racing noise that filtered through my wall. I even remember the funny, very bohemian American 30something woman who'd quit her office job in Oklahoma to get a TESL certificate and teach English, and just live her life by the moments. These were people who knew themselves well... who just shared their personas without hesitation, and I didn't really feel like I knew how to represent my self. I felt like a wallflower. In fact, I felt like I hardly skimmed the surface on who exactly they were. This would probably be why I had no idea that the two funny Italian guys who'd cooked pasta for me and seemed nice... got kicked out after a month because they were planting marijuana seeds in their room.

It was details like that that led me to believe that I needed to quit being so daized and confused, define my personality and be more involved with what I was experiencing in Spain. Back then, corsets were the highlight of European fashion, right next to leggings. I saw them everywhere, in every color and fabric, to the point where I felt like I could no longer consider myself a resident of this place until I got one. I felt like this was my ticket to saying "See? I lived in cool and edgy and exotic Barcelona, Spain. I experienced it. See? Look how I can wear a fashionable corset and not feel at all intimidated. See?"

It was a moment of panic, where I didn't know how to define myself or describe how I was changing because of this experience living abroad.

So I went straight to H&M on the Barrio Gotico and bought a lacy black corset that went from bust to hip. Two hours later, I asked for a refund. Because I had no idea where I would wear that stupid thing without looking like a Dominatrix.

Long story short, I let this impulsive choice of a wardrobe define what I was experiences, because I was too shy to let those experiences just come naturally in my self and in turn be a part of my personality.

I guess you can fast forward a few years and use this "black corset" as a way of describing why I impulsively chose to work in Boston for a year under the impression that I could successfully teach inner-city students like the way movies showed it. Or why I impulsively applied for graduate school in animation without the stamina of being creative under pressure even as I signed the papers. Or why I decided to stay working as a teen counselor for three years instead of just one... maybe because I wanted to figure out my next impulsive choice, rather than taking time to break this habit and just figure out my self.

It sounds very cliche, but 27 years in, I still don't know who I am.

I don't know if it's because I let others define me for way too long, or that I've been living vicariously through other people's interests for way too long, or I just lack some kind of chemical-protein that's preventing me to be all "come on, show the world who's boss!" or whatever about my life.

In any case, I don't want to make another "black corset" out of this year that I have in a new place, which incidentally is a place that I've visited many many many times. I think that, rather than talking about a career and signing my life away again on student loans, it's more important that I see this year as a year of deliberate choices. I will cash in my "corsets" for the fun experiences they've given me in traveling and exploring careers. Now it's time to for me to get a little more gutsy, take pride of the freedom that I've given myself for this year, and explore a great city that can inspire me in many different ways. Hopefully, I can find a little bit more of just who exactly I am and actually have a plan for the kind of person I want to be.

And don't worry. I do plan to have a job this year, or two.

Before We Turn to Stone

My favorite dance thus far from So You Think You Can Dance, season 8! These two people rocked.

Ska-Doosh!

Nothing like a good kick-butt digital art piece to get the motivation flowing.

a quick post

Hey everyone - or maybe just the one person who reads this blog, I dunno.

I've been on a huge hiatus this past month and a half, mainly due to my plans drastically changing for next year, and me emotionally trying to deal with it.

As it turns out, I won't be moving out to California to finish my MFA next year.

Furthermore, I decided to drop the MFA altogether, after realizing that my art skills were not up to par with what the animation industry is looking for. This was really difficult for me to admit, since I had been gambling on the idea that I could work as an artist for a major animation studio for almost four years now. I applied for internships, talked to many people this entire time... but overall, I wasn't completely satisfied with everything I was learning. I felt like an amateur who didn't really understand how to think like a working artist, much less know the tools of the trade.

Plus it doesn't help to know that many graphic artists are hired (outsourced) overseas, making the availability of good entry level jobs in animation studios hard to come by. I couldn't afford to spend more time and money on a big gamble like that, especially since this is supposed to be the foundation to my career.

So yeah... I guess you can say I've had a lot of thinking to do.

I'm still holding onto my artistic habits, working on my self a little bit more to figure out what it is that I want for next year. I'll be sticking around Chicago, which is making me excited about the possibility of living in the city for the first time. =)

I have some interviews lined up. Things look good.

Practicing with the Bamboo

Things are looking up.

My sister got me a Bamboo tablet for my birthday, and I just started to play around with it last night. The plan was to go to bed by 12am, but I instead kept doodling on Wacom Doodler until 2am. Of course, Doodler is not Photoshop, but there's something beautiful that comes from limitations. If anything, it's making me more comfortable with color!

I can also sketch with it, too!

getting to the Heart of the matter

Whenever I realize I have to commit to something, my first natural tendency is to overcommit to other smaller things. Things that I wouldn't really enjoy doing on a regular, genuine basis, but nevertheless keep me from pouring my heart into something I care about.

This, of course, gets me even more stressed. And then I regret committing to those smaller things. And then I just stick with them because I keep worrying about letting so many people down and having become a pain in their asses due to my unreliability. I stick to those small things, half-heartedly, telling myself that I love these things in order to make the rest of the world happy and feel secure that I am where I want to be. And then I back out, at the last possible moment, thinking that it's the right thing to do, only to realize that I had been letting people down but also wasted a valuable amount of their time.

It's how this whole mess of "me" got started in the first place.

Piano. At the age of six, a nice wooden upright piano showed up in my family's living room. The next thing I know, Mom's sending me to classes twice a week with a woman who never carried a frown on her face... no matter how many times I screwed up. I couldn't sight-read music to save my life, and at home, Mom would sit next to me and play the scales and point to the sheet music to make sure I was following along. She would hover over my head and to this day, I remember her voice echoing things like "follow the liiiine nooote" so harshly that it would send a ringing to my little six year old ears.

I grew up around the piano, and played like it was a chore. Like it was the same thing expected from me as much as making my bed in the morning to brushing my teeth at night. Clockwork. The fact that I couldn't pick up sight-reading in music was what frustrated me, and so at some point I just backtracked into playing music by ear. Does that note sound right? Wait. No. How about now? Or now? This got me through my [expensive] piano lessons, while right behind me, my sister was picking up sight-reading like a third language. She swept the scales and slammed onto those keys like she meant business, the callousness in her fingers already showing more music potential than me. I improvised and tried to figure out how to play popular theme songs from film... always by the right hand. Playtime at the piano. It made something that I had considered a chore to have an element of fun. And then came my overall guilt of making something out of all these lessons.

Dear God, I thought. I just need one song to show that I have a little bit of talent in this thing. What song could I do that will at least prove that I learned something all these years? I didn't exactly find it, but I borrowed it from my cousin (another grand pianist) because I was too lazy to look. She had been practicing "Moonlight Sonata" by Beethoven during the time that she came to live with my family, and of her many acts of kindness, she taught me the first part to that piece. Sight-reading had nothing to do with it, for me. My cousin basically held my hand with those piano keys, and my teacher thought I had built a passion overnight. She thought it was a gift that I was learning this piece so quickly and so emotionally, where in reality, I was doing it because someone had already learned it. The gift was that I knew how to pretend it was mine.

Wouldn't you know, I entered a piano competition in eight grade and played that piece (with sheet music, for presentation purposes) flawlessly with my fingers. When I got the voice message from my piano teacher telling me the good news: I won a gold medal!, my face didn't change. Maybe my heart skipped a beat, but that was it. Cool. I won big! But it wasn't the matter of life or death to me. The piano was something I just grew accustomed to seeing and playing every day, like I enjoyed those fun moments when I sat down to it, but in the end... it didn't carry my soul. What's funny is that I look back and think about pianos as inanimate objects with so much soul in them, waiting to be opened by the person who manages to sit there.

My sister had that gift naturally, and my other sister had her brief stint at trying it out, too.

It's amazing how you can find a piece of creative self-expression and immediately feel like it's home to you. Sometimes you can dread picking it up because the practice is brutal, but you eventually can start feeling the noise of your reality just fade and become relaxing and quiet.

I feel it whenever I write and when I draw.

That's probably why it's so emotionally frustrating to commit to them day-by-day.

Because if that's where your soul is, it's going to take a lot of digging and experimenting and practicing in order to get home.

Hands study

My life is at a crossroads right now, and I'm taking it one day at a time.

Seriously?

(Rebecca Dautremer knows good faces)

...what happened to March? It's like I woke up one morning and March was gone!

Spring Break is here now, and I came back from a fun weekend in Cleveland, Ohio, visiting a former college roommate. =) Sometimes I just can't believe the time flies by so fast... like how it's almost been 4 years since she and I were roommates, planning out our summer after graduation.

Life sort of takes us places we can't imagine. I went to Boston, she went to D.C., a year later I moved back to Chicago while she stayed in D.C. Flash forward to now, and I'm still here in Chicago while she's living in Cleveland and finally establishing a serious relationship with her guy and raising a wonderful puppy. Life really is precious, and it's not about the numbers or the jobs or the drama that happens on the outside, but rather how you grow with dealing with those situations.

Next weekend, I'm heading out to San Francisco to meet with my potential roommates and go apartment-searching for the Fall. I'm nervous, excited, and a little stressed to think about everything I need to take into consideration. I have my good moments, where I think 'sure, this'll work out, no problem!' but then I think about the other things... like my cat, my current salary, my health questions, and my family - how they'll be continuing with their routines without me. It's ridiculous, considering that everyone's pretty much adults now, but the worries are still there. I think I've been the one holding on to my youth the longest, trying to tell myself that I don't have to grow up and take responsibilities until I'm older. I can't make overnight rash decisions anymore, nor can I really tell myself that if something doesn't work out, it's no big deal.

I've been like that for quite a long time.

Now I have to own up to these decisions and be fully aware of the consequences they bring me, and not cry because I'm scared to deal with it. To instead, be happy that I'm putting up a brave a face and thinking for myself for the first time in my life.

San Francisco should be interesting.


But wow! There's a lot that I gotta do for April:

- Work on my ACEN '11 Avatar buttons to sell there!

- Turn 27. Get a MacBook Pro.

- Finish my sister's painting.

- Start another painting.

- Decide whether or not I want to keep my cat for next year.

- Apply for summer barista jobs.

- Do some animatics on my new lightbox!

- Drink less coffee and milk. = (

- Keep up with my classes and pick my Fall semester classes.

- Get my feet wet with the business sector of community arts in my new internship! =D

Spring is here!

(Time to whip out the Skates!)

With ACEN '11 coming up in just about 2 months, I have a lot to put together. I'm pretty sure I'll be dressed up as Toph once more before I retire that costume (maybe... we'll see if I ever make it to SDCC in California!), but what am I going to sell this year at Artists' Alley?

I have a bunch of Avatar magnets, Katara necklaces, Earth Kingdom earrings. and watercolors left over from last year. I will try to also sell some Avatar buttons, too! My thought was to also sell cartoon portraits of some of my favorite shows at the moment: Modern Family, Glee, Cougar Town, and LOST. I may also do anime portrait commissions (!) and also make small posters and bookmarks of my best work this past year.

Here are some of the illustrations I'm considering to put for bookmarks:

(Hummingbird, '11)

(Evil Red Balloon, '11)

(Animal Hats, '11)

I'm really excited for selling my work again. Hopefully it'll turn out well!

Nickelodeon madness

I've feel like the brunt of work outside of work these past couple of weeks have been entirely centered on one Animation studio... and for good reason.

BAMM! Korra has a FACE!!!
(Is she waterbending and firebending to hint at Zutara? =P)

But seriously, folks.. I'm pumped for this spin-off series. Lots of news releases about it came out this past week, consisting of that awesome picture, a series voice cast list (including "Juno"s JK Simmons and "The Last Airbender"s only excuse for good acting, Seychelle Gabrielle), and the fact that Mike & Bryan have already been ok'd to do 14 more episodes after their initial 12. Yayz! The bad news? "Korra" won't be airing until mid-2012 now. Meh, no rush for great art!

In other Nickelodeon related news, I put a little bit of my artistic-professional self out there for them. The Nick Writing Fellowship application was due at the end of February, and I wrote a 30 page spec script (my first attempt at writing a screenplay ever!) in a month, just in time to send it out via FedEx to Nick headquarters. If I get the gig, I'll get to shadow Nick Writers for various TV shows - both Live Action and Animation - and learn the business of screenwriting for an entire year. =D

Of course, they only accept a few people among thousands... but I'm crossing my fingers. I also applied for the Nickelodeon internship this summer, and sent out a portfolio application for Nickelodeon's first Artist Fellowship - where people can shadow storyboarders and character artists who work in various animated shows! The odds for getting any of these are pretty slim, but it's such a great (nerve-wrecking) feeling when you know people will be seeing your work. I need this for the big animation world out there.

I'm gonna take a break from applications and get back to drawing every day, as well as focusing on my college classes! I'm taking Acting for Animators and Art in Cultural Context this semester, which is a nice break from the drawing intensive courses I've had in the past. Personally, I don't feel like I get enough out of online drawing classes, so I'll be looking forward to those in the Fall.

In a more serious note, I want to ask people to donate and help with the devastating events that have recently occurred in Japan. There was a tsunami, with an earthquake that was said to be the deadliest in Japanese history, and reports are coming in saying that it shifted the entire country 8 feet, and moved the entire planet 4 degrees out of its axis. This is scary, and it's the natural disaster that wakes us up into vulnerability, to realize that none of us are born lucky. I definitely felt vulnerable when Chicago was hit with a power-breaking blizzard back in February. Think about what happened in Haiti. Donate to the Red Cross. Do what you can to help the ones who can't help themselves right now.

The Illusionist (2010)

"Magicians do not exist." --The Illusionist

Sorry Sylvain, but I beg to differ.

I watched this film during Valentine's Day weekend, and let me just say, I have a new appreciation for background artists. Wow. I don't even know where the line was drawn with this film's technical artwork, if it was done in 3D, 2D or a little bit of both. The visuals were spectacular, and I guess the 'illusion' most of this film brought was that deep down, you really don't want to know the mechanics to how it was made. As cliche as it sounds, it's magic. I honestly just sat back and enjoyed the storytelling, the characters and the simplicity of the action sequences for what they were in this film.

Spoiler Alert!!! It's basically about a man who's art is seeing its dead end in 1930s Europe. He strives to make a name for himself and his simple magic tricks to whoever is willing to watch or hire him. He goes from place to place, meets other washed-up performers like himself and builds this solidarity of working hard with your craft until the world no longer is entertained. He refuses to see the world as a cruel, depressed, manipulative, business-oriented place in order to let his life's simple passion shine. For me, he is a great, yet simple-minded example of someone who doesn't give up on doing what he loves, even though he is seeing the rest of the world close its doors on him. It's funny how he's oblivious of the many individual lives he's touched and changed along the way.

I definitely connected to this character, partly because it's how I feel about my interest in animation. I'm passionate about it, but I definitely have those days where I look at my art, I look at my school tuition bills, I look at the competitive nature of the field out there, and wonder, "what the hell am I doing??" Sometimes I get so caught up in the work and angst in finding my creative self that I don't look at the bigger picture. I forget to keep my eyes on the prize and actually feel good about the smaller accomplishments that come to me with every little thing I do.

Anybody who believes in magic... heck, anybody who has a dream... should see this film.

What are the Glee girls thinking?

SNoWPoCaLYPSe '11

This is a tribute to what my coworkers and I went through recently in the Chicago area.

Frickin' blizzard!

Modern Family

- I practiced my cartooning skillz with a show I really like! Image reference was used. =)

- BONUS DRAWING: I also practiced with ball point pen on my cat as he was napping.

Published Cartoonist? Where!?

You're looking at her!!!

Seriously... I'm still kinda beaming about this little surprise that came after I returned from Winter Break. I was almost going to toss that envelope, because it didn't have a return address and I figured it was junk mail. But I opened it anyway, and as it turned out... it was from the people at Student Affairs.com, where I had entered their annual Cartooning Contest! Even though I didn't win the top prizes, they still wanted to use one of my pieces for their upcoming newsletter!

And they paid me for my work!!!

For a girl who's simply been doing comics for fun the past two years, this is HUGE!!! I'm in such awe of how far I've come. I'll definitely be bookmarking this news in my art career. =)

Anyway... this week has been pretty art-centric with the high school kids. I taught a full week of Figure Drawing for 12 really talented kids. I was a bit hesitant to teach after not having managed a classroom in 3 years, but it was very very pleasant. It's awesome when you have students who actually want to learn and be challenged - especially in a subject they hardly get to work with! It kind of kept me on my toes, and I got to use PowerPoint for the first time in over 10 years.

Today the kids got to display their work for the school's art exhibition, and I was so proud of their progress. It's definitely a great feeling to know you helped a kid improve on their creativity.

Such a great week!